Santa Lechuga Power League:

The Best Damn Fantasy Baseball League In the Universe! (Yes. Universe.)

Video

Eagle's-Eye View

Holy crap, this is awesome! I could watch it all day.



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(Better Not) Call Saul

He knows a cool band when he hears one, but he knows Jack Sierra about making music videos.



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Kindness

Be kind.




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Labor Day

Lookie, you can learn all about Labor Day:



Or you can just watch a tenuously-themed video with animals doing crazy “labor”:



Or, I suppose, you can do both.



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Just Like Rube

It’s just like Commissioner Rube Furrow to do this to me again. Every time I go in to the mercadinho to get a five finger discount on some cerveza for the two of us, I get tossed out the window and Rube just speeds away. Every. Single. Time. Damn that Rube.



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Courtney Stodden Dons Lettuce Bikini To Promote Vegan Hotdogs

We’ll just leave this right here because, well, this is the Santa Lechuga Power League … and we love our leafy greens.



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Sunday Morning WTF?! Long John Silver's Hushpuppies Show

The third in our series of fast food WTF?!s is also a Tip of the Ballcap to Chente owner Vince Livernois, who managed various Long John Silver’s’ for decades and whose nickname for a lifelong friend is coincidentally “Hobart,” sent us this video.

I don’t --. I can’t --. I’m at a loss to --.



Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, Long John Silver’s?!?! Two ball-like objects, just hanging around, doing nothing worthwhile?! Is the intent to increase sales? Foot traffic? If so, with what possible demographic? In what possible way?! I mean, seriously, LJS, W?! T?! F?!

With this Tip of the Ballcap, Vince Livernois takes over into third place solo with three tips.
Jay Livernois still leads with six. Joe Kelly is in second place with four. Brian Thornburg, and league follower Missy (@missyisms), are tied for fourth place with two each.


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At A Circus, It's All Fun And Games Until The Music Has To End

Wait for it. Wait for it. Get to the 3:06 mark, then sit back and be absolutely horrified.



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Honest Trailers: Breaking Bad

Check out Honest Trailers, a feature of Screen Junkies …. my new favorite YouTube channel because they do stuff like this:


"Seriously, you better tune in fast if you don't want to be ostracized by white people."


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Sunday Morning WTF?! Wendy's Training Video Circa 1989

The second in our series of fast food WTF?!s, we now turn our attention to Wendy’s, who subjected this training video on its employees back in 1989. Jump to 3:20 in the video to see where the real fun begins.

I don’t --. I can’t --. I’m at a loss to --.



Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, Wendy’s training department?!?! “Most of all, you’ve gotta have your tool”?!?! I mean, seriously, W?! T?! F?!


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Dresser Crabs Have Better Fashion Sense Than Most Of Our League's Owners

Yeah, but you don’t see the most beautiful of their species walking the runway, do you? Or is that their runway?



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A Carp Is A Living Thing, Unrefined And Smelly

It is fun when people are passionate about something. And like all great music videos, this video is especially educational about carp.



The whole fish tank motif has me thinking of the opening scene of Monty Python’s
The Meaning of Life: ‘Morning!



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Two Chicago Icons On An Iconic Night In Chicago

Tip of the Ballcap once again to Kershawshank Redemption owner Joe Kelly, who is once again getting us all through our dog days of August with this, in honor of the Cubs recently marking their 25th year with lights at Wrigley.



With two consecutive Tips of the Ballcap,
Joe now holds sole possession of 2nd place with four. Jay Livernois leads the league with five Tips of the Ballcap. Vince Livernois, Brian Thornburg, and league follower Missy (@missyisms), are tied for third place with two each.


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Sunday Morning WTF?! Colonel Sanders Meets "Mad Men"

I don’t --. I can’t --. I’m at a loss to --.



Whiskey?! Tango?! Echo-Lima-ing?! Foxtrot?!, Colonel Sanders?!?! I mean, seriously, W?! T?! E-L-ing?! F?!


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WTF Awesomeess: "Blurred Lines"

Tip of the ballcap (once again) to The Heart Is A Lonely Hunter Pence owner Joe Livernois MFs In D.C. owner Marcus Rochellle, who declared this version of “Blurred Lines” as “WTF awesomeness” shared this on Facebook back on August 2, though we missed it:



Though not a traditional Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, we cannot disagree Jay’s assessment. I actually prefer this version to the original, which you can see here:



Update: If you’re scoring at home: We don’t know how to score this Tip of the Ballcap. We gave the tip to Jay because he e-mailed it to us on August 7, which prompted us to post the video here, but since receiving Jay’s e-mail we discovered that MFs In D.C. owner Marcus Rochellle had posted this video on his Facebook wall way back on August 2. Does Jay get the full tip of the ballcap with Marcus getting to assist? Or, does Marcus get the full tip of the ballcap since he posted it to Facebook first with Jay getting the assist? To be fair, we have raided Facebook postings in the past (see here, here, here, here, and here); had we seen Marcus’ posting earlier, we likely would have posted it and given him full credit, but Jay took the extra effort and e-mailed it to us … and we always appreciate when people take the extra time to think of us.

Okay, I’m sending this one over to our official league scorer,
Jeren Livernois, owner of Punching Judy’s. Skeeter, how do you rule? Who gets the full Tip of the Ballcap?

Updated August 9: See here for Jeren’s ruling.


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Bill Cunning Responds

In last Sunday’s Sunday Morning WTF?!, we noted that Full Circuits owner Bill Cunning had taken to dancing to R&B on his porch with the local wild life and tried to stage an intervention. Bill responded.

Tony/Joe,

I wasn't sure if I was the guy in the beard or the raccoon, but I'll take any publicity I can get.

If my team were any worse I'd be in 49th place.

One thing for sure (this year), I'd never hire myself as a baseball GM.

I remind myself of the old Groucho Marks quip, that I believe goes something like this: "I'd never want to join a club that would have me as a member."

I really was pumped up and ready to jump in and improve my team this year, until I found out I was triple digits behind in the FIRST MONTH … and then things really GOT BAD.

But there is always hope for NEXT YEAR, even though this year did not BOTHER ME, BOTHER ME, BOTHER ME, BOTHER ME, BOTHER ME !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ciao,

Bill

We are not sure how to read this. Is this another cry for help? Do we need to send professionals? Or more raccoons?


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"Ties And No Playoffs. Why Do You Even Do This?"

Tip of the ballcap to The Heart Is A Lonely Hunter Pence owner Joe Livernois, who passed this along:



A thing of beauty, this is. So much funny packed into five minutes.


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Sunday Morning WTF?! Bill Cunning, Come Back To Civilization!

We suspected something was up when he stopped attending our weekly Skype briefings discussing league shenanigans, but we had no idea how bad things had really gotten. For example, that beard. That foxtrotting beard. Or those overalls and sleeveless t-shirts. But worst of all is that Full Circuits owner Bill Cunning has taken to dancing to R&B on his porch with the local wild life. Don’t believe me? Watch this:



Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, Bill Cunning?!?! Consider this blog post an intervention. All the people in the world that love you, that rely on you, that like to argue politics and religion with you, that serve you waffles with extra syrup, that deliver your newspaper, that administer your fantasy baseball league, your friends, your family, we are saying this now, in one voice, as loud as we can: Please, Bill, return to civilization. Dancing to R&B with raccoons in sleeveless t-shirts and overalls is a cry for help, a cry we hear loud and clear, and we want to help you. We love you, man. Come back. Come back! Seriously, W?! T?! F?!


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Fred Lost A Couple Fly Balls In The Sun

The Heart Is A Lonely Hunter Pence owner Joe Livernois just sent me the following video and asked whether my dog Fred could do this:



No. No, he can’t. Well, I’m sure he could, but, well, Fred is a he, which means he tends to protect his underside. Even though he lost his, er, well, let’s just say he lost a couple fly balls in the sun about six years ago, Fred is like any male of any species who has experienced the excruciating pain associated with having damage done to the, um, er, fly balls. And sliding the underside down stairs, which are replete with edges on which fly balls can and invariably do uncomfortably land, is just inviting needless excruciating pain. Even if Fred’s memory of having fly balls is six years past, he still has the time-tested evolutionarily-built propensity to protect himself down there at all costs, which means he instead opts to just walk or bound or bounce or flounce down the steps like all male dogs should. So my hypothesis is that even if he wanted to be a little more efficient about getting down the stairs, he would
not go for the option that would invite unnecessary, agonizing, heart-thumping, raw, brutal pain.

Or, it may be that I just never trained him to slide belly-first down stairs.

K20D5715
Fred, Protector of Fly Balls



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Well, Because It Just Sounds Good

Tip of the ball cap to Chente owner Vince Livernois, who suggests you just turn up the volume. Thanks, Vince!

But I can’t help but to go meta here. If you still have Ryan Braun or
Albert Pujols on your roster, this is what you’re doing:



Update: It appears that while I was going meta, JJ Cale was literally going down, as in six feet under. Ah, hell.


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Nominee For Best DL Excuse Of The Season; Also, We May Be Going Dark

This story comes to us by way of The Heart Is A Lonely Hunter Pence owner Joe Livernois, who nominates this for a Monday Morning WTF?!, ‘cause some things can’t wait until Sunday. Jay nominates this for “Nominee for best DL excuse of the season …”

We looked a little deeper and discovered this interview with the injured shortstop, who appears to have been just following orders not to move as the skydivers were plowing feet-first into their faces:



So, there’s our next nominee for best DL excuse of the season. Thanks, Jay!

Meanwhile, in other news, we may or may not be going dark until Friday morning depending on whether the 8 baud modem on my Amiga 1000 can connect to the Internet from the unfortunately named Servicio de Hosteleria Industrial de Terrassa hotel in Flushing, NY, near LaGuardia and whether Norton Utilities can remove the 47 Trojan horses it’s been trying to remove since February. Watch this space for more news. Or not.

S.H.I.T.


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Sunday Morning WTF?! A Song For Me Without A Guitar Solo

Yo, Los Askis, if you’re going to write a song about me, throw in an electric guitar solo or two, would you?



Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, Los Askis?!?! I know you’re trying to honor our time together in that Tijuana prison, but at no time did I ever say that I enjoyed wood flutes. In fact, I was very explicit about wooden wind instruments making me want to extract my eyeballs with Wolverine’s claws. Where’s the electric guitar?! The fuzz box?! The solo?! Seriously, W?! T?! F?!


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It's All In The Packaging: Charlatan Street Fighters

We here at the SLPL Blog detest -- a.k.a., abhor! despise! execrate! -- charlatans like those shown in this video. We do love this video, though, because it makes fun of the charlatans, those opportunistic, scum-sucking swindlers who fleece ignorant, hurting, and/or desperate people. Round 1, fight!



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I Thought Peanut Butter Knuckles Was A Candy Bar

Why isn’t this on every grocery store shelf for every jarred product at this very moment? This must exist and be ubiquitous within a year or we are going to have to declare capitalism a complete and total failure.



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Cat Reacts To Owner Coming Home After Six Months

You think watching dogs react to veterans coming home from war is fun and heart tugging? You haven’t seen anything yet.



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One Wise Team Drops Ryan Braun, Scumbag

On news of the suspension of Ryan Braun, Scumbag, only one team dropped him. Joe Livernois, owner of The Heart is a Lonely Hunter Pence, did the deed that needed to be done, explaining: “Because Braun is an a**hole. Also, he's been suspended. I expect (Chris) Davis will be the only Oriole who succumbs in the team bus fire, which should happen any day now, which is still better than keeping a suspended a**hole who is willing to throw everyone else under the bus.”

Why are
you keeping Braun on your roster?

Update: Current league leader Paul Martin, owner of Cabbage Farmers, passed this along this morning with the note, “Tony, I saw your post on the website. I don't know if you remember his denial but check it out. What a piece of sh*t!”



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Sunday Morning WTF?! Local News Has Never Been So Dramatic

I’ll just leave this right here for future generations to see. To ponder. To analyze.



Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, WITI in Milwaukee?!?! Seriously, W?! T?! F?!


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Revisiting "One, Two, Three Strikes Yer Out!"

The last we visited Bugs Bunny, it was to show the video that The Heart is a Lonely Hunter Pence owner Joe Livernois shared with us of the guy who could swing his bat like a helicopter blade. Or, as Chente owner Vince Livernois said, who could “strikeout with one pitch.” We then linked to this video of three Gas-House Gorillas batsmen striking out on one pitch:



Now watch that video again, this time paying close attention to Bugs’ wind-up and, in particular, the sound effects used as he winds up. Got it? Good.

Now, play those sound effects in your head as you
watch rhythmic gymnast Shin Soo-Ji throw out a first pitch.

Some blog entries just write themselves.

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . Power-Hitting Pitching . HOF . Yesterday
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A Little Hyperbolic, But He *Did* Take A Header Into the Dugout

Tip of the ballcap to Golden Sombreros owner Brandon Olivarria who (by way of text) shared this sweet link and video:



Niiiiiiiiiize. Though I think the announcer got a little hyperbolic when he described it as a “full out sprint” when the guy clearly slowed down before making his final jump into the dugout. But I suppose I can allow a little hyperbole for a guy who takes a header into the dugout.

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"One, Two, Three Strikes Yer Out!"

Tip of the ballcap to The Heart is a Lonely Hunter Pence owner Joe Livernois who (by way of Facebook) shared this bit of awesomesauce:



To which Chente owner Vince Livernois remarked “Strikeout with one pitch,” which reminded me of my most favoritest cartoon episode ever after the Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde Bugs Bunny episode. “I wish my brother George was here.”



Did I mention that I love the Internet?

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Yeah, So, You Should Celebrate *After* You Cross The Finish/Goal Line

It’s not as big a stage as the Super Bowl a la Leon Lett -- or, who knows, maybe it is … you can never tell with bizarre sports in not-America -- but it’s just as sweet to watch. I always love it when someone celebrates victory too early only to lose because s/he was too busy celebrating the victory that ultimately wasn’t to be.

1372181175_skater_finish_fail

Speaking of Lett, you can never get enough of Don Beebe taking advantage of his early celebration, so here it is:


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The Most Useless Website On The Internet, Part 8

I probably should have saved this for Part 10 in the series.

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Cold-Hearted Kick In The...

Golden Balls:



That has really got to hurt.

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“Cutting Cheese with Sue”

I was going to save this for Sunday to feature in our wildly-popular-but-little-known Sunday Morning Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?!, but there’s just way too much WTF here to wait five days before sharing it. Watch this now, then we’ll talk through just how foxtrotted up it really is.



There are several things to note here: (1) It’s a foxtrottin’ cheese slicer! Who doesn’t know how to use a cheese slicer?! If you had never seen a cheese slicer before, you could just look at the thing when it’s in the vicinity of a block of cheese and you’d automatically know what to do with it. (2) Here’s an idea: If you’re going to do a video on how to use a cheese slicer, do something useful like explain how to avoid getting all those extra crumbles at the bottom of the slice when you’re slicing dry cheeses like the world’s best cheese ever, Dubliner. “Slicing Dry Cheeses without Crumbles.” Now that would be useful. (3) Here’s another idea: If you’re going to title your show “Cooking with Sue” but you don’t cook a thing, consider changing the name of your show. In this video we saw cheese being sliced. With a cheese slicer. There were no pots. No pans. No heat. No spatulas. No sloshing boiling oil. Sue sliced foxtrottin’ cheese! So if all you’re going to do is slice cheese, how about renaming your show to “Cutting Cheese with Sue”? (4) See #1 above.

Look, I’m all for the Internet. I love the Internet. And with the ubiquity of high-speed Internet connections, I love the fact that we can access to all sorts of excellent videos across a myriad of great topics. But this isn’t one of those excellent videos and this is a horrible topic. If you want to teach a bunch of numbskulls who don’t know how to operate a cheese slicer how to slice cheese using a cheese slicer, don’t post a YouTube video. Instead, I hear the neo-natal intensive care units at hospitals around the world are always looking for ways to keep the preemies occupied. Maybe you can go teach them. Because, let’s be real here, preemies are pretty much the only population on earth who don’t know how to operate a foxtrottin’ cheese slicer.

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Sunday Morning WTF?!: Who Gets Credit For The Putout?

Yo, Punching Judy's owner Jeren Livernois -- official scorer at Modesto Nuts Professional Baseball Club and reporter at STATS LLC -- how would you score this:



Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, overeager Chinese outfielders?! Everyone knows that the centerfield calls it and the other players back away to let him do his job, like Joe Torre’s daughter did earlier this week. With all of you catching the baby at once, it’s nearly impossible to score this act of heroism. Seriously, W?! T?! F?!

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No Wonder He Never Joined the Santa Lechuga Power League

James Gandolfini was afraid of giant talking vegetables.



In other news, the Bobblehead-of-Lettuce was not in Rome last week.

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You Fall Withn A Bell Curve

I mentioned a coupla days ago that the world needs more Tim Minchin. In that vein:


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Mr. Diety Is Back: Layers and Layers of Absurdification

Trustify me, guys, releases of new Mr. Deity videos have a way of ebbing and flowing.


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We May Or May Not Be Going Dark, Part 5 (NSFYE)

After posting stats and standings this morning, we may or may not be going dark until Friday morning depending on whether or not the Econo Lodge in Middletown, NY, provides a dial-up Internet connection higher than 14.4 kbit/s and whether or not the anti-virus program on my Altair 4400 laptop cleans up the 463 viruses it started cleaning last Tuesday. Watch this space for more news. Or not.

In the meantime, here is an awesome -- though NSFYE, which means “not safe for young ears” -- video by Tim Minchin because, quite frankly, the world needs way,
way, way more Tim Minchin. (Seriously, this is not safe for young ears. Nephews and nieces of mine, please don’t watch this unless you get written consent from one of my siblings, signed in triplicate, and notarized by a Tunisian banker.)


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Sunday Morning WTF?!: Two Countries Separated By A Common Language

This one isn’t really a Sunday Morning WTF?! so much as it is just another of the infinite number of reasons to laugh at the British:







Yes, yes, I know it’s parody, but if you have ever spent any time in England watching Australian cricket (or whatever it was they were playing) at 3:30 in the morning after a long flight from the States and an 8 o’clock client meeting staring you in the face, you’ll see all the truths in this parody. Then there’s the bizarre phraseology, the weird inflections and enthusiasms, and the oddly-placed emphasis on the meaningless.

Having said all that, this guy is
way better than Joe Buck and Tim McCarver.

Wait, maybe this is a Sunday Morning WTF?!

Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, you English?! Now that I think about it, can’t you convince Rupert Murdoch to hire you to replace Joe Buck during this year’s World Series?! Seriously, W?! T?! F?!

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Time To Plug In the Trade-O-Matic 3000

Ryan Bruan is on nearly 40 SLPL team rosters, which makes this news almost heartbreaking. We say “almost,” of course, because we actually love it when the SLPL Pot grows and grows and grows so that our payouts to winners grow and grow and grow. To illustrate what this might mean to our Pot, four owners in the last two days have dropped Braun on mere suspicion that he might be suspended. That’s 40 clams to our Pot, which means 40 clams to our eventual winners. If he goes down for 100 games, the Pot should grow ginormously.

Even if you’re not spooked by the potential of Braun being suspended, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t plug in the trusty
Trade-O-Matric 3000. Why? Do you have Matt Kemp? He’s on the DL. Bryce Harper? DL. Giancarlo Stanton? DL. David Price? DL. C’mon, already. Get off the schnied and drop the deadweight already! You need to put yourself in position before you can expect to scrape any clams out of the championship barrel, ya know?

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Aftermath!

Note as of 11:38 am on 6/4: Stats and standings for last night’s games have now been updated. I am sill having PC problems, but I used my trusty backup.

Well, the weekend started Thursday night with a late night flight from Austin, TX into SFO. The joy of No Greinke My Wankee owner
Miss Peyton Markie Olivarria walking the line was the main reason for the trip. However … the weekend ended up being one of those weekends we will be talking about every time we all get together. Nothing can take away from Peyton's accomplishment, but WOW!

Friday: Peyton's Big Day!
Friday went off without a hitch … if you were part of another family, but our family, well, not so much. The running around and the last minute preparations for Saturday’s party created a long morning. Then, at the graduation itself, having to sit through 350-plus horribly butchered names, the sunburns, and the horrible last-minute speeches made it all worth finally hearing the name we were all there to hear: “Peyton. Markie. Olivarria!” Echo throughout the PIT!

Peyton
“Peyton. Markie. Olivarria!” Cue the Pit!

Saturday: Party!
Saturday started with all the guys strategically planning a round of golf while the ladies stayed home and put on all the finishing touches. The party began around 5 pm with family and friends coming to congratulate Peyton. What would go down in a few short hours miss Cleo couldn't have predicted. THE DANCE OFF!!! Star of this would have been -- drum roll, please … Hamiltoes owner TYLER SHADDY! The breakdancing moves this white kid was putting down took me back to the movie Beat Street! All that was missing was the Super Fly Adidas track suit.


This video isn’t sideways. That’s just how Tyler dances.

After Tyler finished wiping the floor with his horrible dance moves, the party continued in the backyard. At this point, the (in)famous GOLDEN SOMBRERO was retrieved from the wall of trophies! It was only fitting I represent my 29th place team with some good luck! Kempin' It Real! owner Kyle Harmon refused to wear it for reasons we do not speak of. Okay, we’ll speak of them: He said he did not want to jinx Chris Davis, the only reason Kempin' It Real! is currently in the Top 10.

Golden Sombrero

The end of the night ends in walk-off fashion! Or, for our non baseball fans, homicide. One of our beloved family members, who we have been trying to persuade to join our wonderful league, Dan the Pirate, decided he was calling it a night. Boy did he. Dan did his best to audition for an upcoming role in Law and Order SVU. So we did our best Stabler and Benson impressions.

The Pirate
Dan the Pirate. Calling It A Night.

Like I said at the beginning, a weekend that will continue to be talked about for a long time!

But let us not forget the real reason we were all able to come together: Peyton's graduation. Congrats, Peyton, you have made all of us so proud! Once a cowboy always a cowboy!

Editor’s Note: How is it possible that the Livernoises and Klinkhamers haven’t ended up at the same party as the Olivarrias? Or would that rip the space-time continuum and bring the planet to screeching halt?

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Don't Let Me Down

Golden Sombrero’s owner Brandon Olivarria (@BrandonO831) was supposed to send us here at the SLPL blog a full account of No Greinke My Wankee owner Peyton Olivarria’s graduation celebration this weekend. Unfortunately, as things tend to when the Olivarrias and Company get together to celebrate such events, things got a little out of hand and he was unable to send his report in time for today’s post. We did, however, receive this photo from Kempin' It Real! owner Kyle Harmon (@chacharmon23), which shows Brandon in his quite literal golden sombrero and making his patented “punching-monsters-in-the-gonads” pose:

Punching Up
Brandon’s “Punching-Mosters-In-Gonads” Pose
(Click to enlargenate.)


So today we hope that Brandon can get us his report so that we can post it tomorrow. C’mon, Brandon, don’t let me down.


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Out Here In The Perimeter, There Are No Stars

So long, Ray Manzarek.


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John Merritt, Wood Carver, Awesome Hobbyist

The longer you watch, the more mesmerizing this becomes:



Fifty-four years of wood carvings … and he doesn’t sell anything. He just does it for the fun of it. Just wow.

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We May Or May Not Be Going Dark, Part 3

Come Monday, we may or may not be going dark again, depending on whether or not I want to take time from my water-front hotel view in Portland, Maine, to do something as trivial as updating this damn website. If I am unable to peel my eyes away from the North Atlantic Ocean next week, the SLPL will be dark from Monday until later Friday morning.

In the meantime … there’s no reason to post this except that I’m a huge fan of
The National, they have a new album coming out, and this video is fun.


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Hittin' The Air

I’m hitting the air for Greensboro, NC. Not much more to say about that.

But while I’m in the air, enjoy this bit of bitcheness:


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Sunday Morning WTH?! Happy Mother's Day!

As we have in seasons past, we have decided to be respectful to all the mothers in this league for at least one day of the season by renaming our regular Sunday series “Sunday Morning WTF?!” in honor of Mother’s Day to “Sunday Morning WTH?!?!” As in, “What the heck?!” or, “Whiskey Tango Hotel?” Happy Mother’s Day to all you mothers!

We have also decided to revive a league favorite, which Scoots Bigelow owner
Scott “Scoot Bigs” Allen shared with us way back in ’11. Scott said that it is a tradition in his country of origin to celebrate Mother’s Day by dancing around a scooter. We didn’t believe him until we dug up this video on the Interwebs. (BTW, Scoot’s the one wearing jorts.)



Whiskey?! Tango?! Hotel?!, strange street dancing kids? I mean, seriously, W?! T?! H?!

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We May Or May Not Be Going Dark, Part 2

Come Monday, we may or may not be going dark again, depending on whether or not Greensboro, NC, has received the benefit of high speed Internet yet. We know the Carolinas have had problems working their way into the 19th century politically -- see also: Mark Sanford winning his recent election -- but we don’t know if they lag that far behind technologically. If Greensboro, NC, is still trying to grapple with the advent of the telegraph, the SLPL will be dark from Monday until Friday next week.

In the meantime … I can't walk to the next room carrying a half-filled coffee mug without spilling the rest of the coffee. And then there's this lady.


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Sunday Morning WTF?!: Lethal League (NSFW)

“This is, uh, Lethal Ball Jousting. It’s fun.”



Is this really something some people do, record themselves while playing video games and then posting the results to YouTube? And is this something that other people do -- like I unfortunately just did -- watch the videos of people who recorded themselves playing video games and posted to YouTube. Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, some people and other people. So much world, so much wondrous technology, so many wonderful people, so little life. I mean, seriously, W?! T?! F?!

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Sunday Morning WTF?!: Manny's Still Playing Baseball?

Tip of the ballcap to Kershawshank Redemption owner Joe Kelly, the conveniently named owner of possibly the next pitcher to pay off in the Creepy Cardinal Pitcher Death Watch Pool. Anyway, Joe sent us a message that said, simply, “There's a lot going on here. WTF!?”



Indeed, there is a lot going on here and Deadspin captures most of the good ones. But the biggest WTF?! is the fact that Manny Ramirez is still playing professional baseball. Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, Manny Ramirez. You don’t when it’s time to hang it up?! W?! T?! F?!

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NSFW! NSFW! NSFW! NSFW! Funnier Than Hell, but NSFW!

Tip of the ball cap from ScootBigs owner Scott Allen for bringing us this, a Funny or Die video with Boardwalk Empire’s Michael Shannon reading an actual sorority sister’s letter that recently went viral. Needless to say, she’s not happy with her sorority sisters.

Note: This is NSFW, which means not-safe-for-work. It’s rated R, for language. Boy is it rated R for language. If you’re my nephew or niece still living at home, do not click this link; your parents will disown me as their brother. If you’re under 18, ask a parent to watch this on your behalf, then ask if you are approved to watch it.

There, now.
Here’s the video.

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(NSFW) Sunday Morning WTF?!: This Is Our Foxtrotting City!

You know Big Papi is gonna be sorry he said these words over the airwaves:



The FCC’’s gotta come down on him like a ton of bricks, right? So I was building up a big head of steam to blow off at the FCC in one of my more epic Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!’s, anticipating that the commission would get all fine heavy with David Ortiz, but then I came across this:

FCC


Seriously. So, now I have to go with a cheap Sunday Morning WTF?! and say: Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, FCC, you had to go all reasonable and treat the public like a group of adults rather than fining David Ortiz a metric-Sierra-ton of cash for saying something honest and personal. Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!’, FCC, you defied expectations and came off as cool. That’s not the FCC we know.

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Boston

Patton_Oswalt



o-MISTER-ROGERS-HELPERS-QUOTE-570
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Money Is What Makes the League Go Round

Our league’s most bitchen owners have already paid their ownership fees. Are you one of them? If not, you can still be considered pretty darn bitchen if you pay quicklike.

Update: Man, I love Vin Scully. Hate the Dodgers, but love Scully.


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How Animals Eat Their Food

This video comes by way of Commissioner Rube Furrow, who e-mailed it to us with the simple subject line, “WTF?” We agree, Rube. We agree.



Speaking of Rube, word has it that he is at this very moment scrawling his annual “Welcome to the Season” message to league owners. There’s no word as to when he’ll be ready to release his message given (1) he scrawls very, very slowly, (2) his scrawls are slightly more difficult to read than hieroglyphics, and (3) rewriting his scrawls so that they actually have something to do with the league and its owners often takes more time than it took him to scrawl the message in the first place. So I don’t know if we’re talking a week, a month, or by the All Star break, but Rube and his army of interpreters/rewriters will hopefully have something to welcome league owners by the end of the season.

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SLPL Video: In A World Without Decent Fantasy Baseball...

The video announcing last year’s season is still fresh, especially if you haven’t seen it yet, that we have decided we don’t need to update it. So there. Besides, we don’t have that kind of time.

Remember, the Santa Lechuga Power League fills the world's gaping vacuum known as decent fantasy baseball. Now, these knuckleheads just need to sober up ...



UPDATE AS OF 4/1/13: We just learned that Sue “Buzzkill” Klinkhamer and Dan “My Wittle Fee Fees Are Hurt ‘Cause I Only Won $150 In 2012” Klinkhamer are no longer in the league. This video, then, is *really* out of date.

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