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Sunday Morning WTF?!

Sunday Morning WTF?! Where Did The Season Go? Redux

I just realized that I can just repeat last week’s Sunday Morning WTF?! and it would be just as relevant, so here goes, with key information updated…

There are exactly
eight days of Regular Season baseball left for the 2013 season. The Pot is up to $2,640. We have received $1,125 in payments. There are still players on the disabled list or suspended for the season. You still have time to make trades. Every Hall-of-Famer who began the season drawing a pension and breath is still drawing a pension and breath. No Creepy Cardinals Pitchers have taken the dirt nap. And Cabbage Farmers owner Paul Martin is leading in the Overall Standings, as he has most of the season.

All that said, where the hell did the season go?! One day we are announcing
that the season is about to begin, the next we are announcing that there is one week left. Oh, sure, we remember that some things actually happened during the season, like we thought we might go dark a number of times due to travel, hanky computers with various afflictions, and bad Internet connections at horrible hotels, but it never happened. We found lots and lots of useless websites, declaring each the most useless of all. Punching Judy’s owner Jeren Livernois became the league’s official scorer and made some key rulings. And we have Tipped Our Ballcap a number of times to lots of folks for contributing to this blog by referring us to good stuff on the Intertubes. But still, it seems like just yesterday that we were looking forward to the new season, and now we are soon going to be looking forward to a new season again.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, Regular Season?!?! You just started and now you’re almost over. W!? T!? F!?


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Sunday Morning WTF?! Where Did The Season Go?

There are exactly 15 days of Regular Season baseball left for the 2013 season. The Pot is up to $2,635. We have received $880 in payments. There are still players on the disabled list or suspended for the season. You still have time to make trades. Every Hall-of-Famer who began the season drawing a pension and breath is still drawing a pension and breath. No Creepy Cardinals Pitchers have taken the dirt nap. And Cabbage Farmers owner Paul Martin is leading in the Overall Standings, as he has most of the season.

All that said, where the hell did the season go?! One day we are announcing
that the season is about to begin, the next we are announcing that there are two weeks left. Oh, sure, we remember that some things actually happened during the season, like we thought we might go dark a number of times due to travel, hanky computers with various afflictions, and bad Internet connections at horrible hotels, but it never happened. We found lots and lots of useless websites, declaring each the most useless of all. Punching Judy’s owner Jeren Livernois became the league’s official scorer and made some key rulings. And we have Tipped Our Ballcap a number of times to lots of folks for contributing to this blog by referring us to good stuff on the Intertubes. But still, it seems like just yesterday that we were looking forward to the new season, and now we are soon going to be looking forward to a new season again.

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot, Regular Season?!?! You just started and now you’re almost over. W!? T!? F!?


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Sunday Morning WTF?! You Despise Us! You Really, Really Despise Us!

We don’t ask for a lot. Really, we don’t. In a typical season in this funky little fantasy baseball league, we ask you to pay your ownership fees and to pay for any trades you make. But that’s purely transactional; you joined the league and made the trades, so asking you to pay isn’t like asking for a great favor like, say, asking you to help us move furniture. Or a body. Beyond asking you to pay for your fees, we might encourage you to recruit more owners or make more trades. Both of these things help us jack up The Pot for our eventual winners, which is purely for the benefit of our eventual winners, but this type of encouragement is less of an “ask” and more of a “goad.” After that, unless it’s something very important to us, we pretty much ask nothing of you.

So when we make a simple request,
as we did yesterday, to not send us any more links to horrific creatures that will haunt our REM cycles and make us mega-a’scared of the water, we expect that you will do us a major solid by, you know, not sending us any more links to horrific creatures that will haunt our REM cycles and make us mega-a’scared of the water. It’s not a lot to ask, really. In fact, not sending us something is easily the easiest thing we could ask of you. It requires zero action on your part. So if you see something on the Interwebs that you think will make the hairs on the backs of our necks shiver in cold sweat and you’re not sure what to do? You simply don’t send it to us. You honor our simple request by doing nothing at all. It’s that easy.

And yet. And yet.

I bet you can see where this is going...

Just
hours after we posted our simple request to do nothing at all, to not send us any more cringe-worthy but otherwise unworthy terrorific links, yesterday’s tenuous Tip of the Ballcap receiver and Dongwhipped owner Kevin Klinkhamer sent us yet another link to another horrific story and video. The title alone made us instantly vomit into our coffee and fall onto the floor into a fetal position. Warning: We are about to show the title below. Don’t read the following unless you want to understand just how little we feel respected by our owners after making a simple request that happens to mean a lot to us.

“Zoo Monkey Tears Off Baby's Testicle, Eats It as Mom Watches In Horror”

Kevin, we love you, we really do. You have been an awesome owner from the get go. You’re almost always competitive, you’re always engaged in the league, you earn Tips of the Ballcap, and you’ve even authored fun blog entries. But when you sent us the link to that story and said, “Sorry man, I can't resist as this one is too good. At least you can mold it into a Sunday Morning WTF!? against monkeys in China ... and even incorporate (MFs In D.C. owner)
Marcus (Rochellle) somehow,” we’re not sensing any real sorry-ness. Instead, we’re sensing more of a “This-will-blow-their-foxtrotting-minds-when-they-try-to-go-to-sleep-tonight-I-just-know-it” feel to it.

So, no. We aren’t going to link to that article. We refuse. If other owners want to see how Kevin tried to curdle our blood -- as if the title of the article isn’t enough to do that -- they can Goggle the title. We just aren’t going to play that.

But you know how else that we know that Kevin wasn’t really sorry for sending that link? Because 12 minutes after he sent the first link -- 12!!!!! -- Kevin sent us yet another link,
this one intended to build on our fears of water to include the fear of hovering our butts over water to, er, do our business. Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, Kevin, what the foxtrot are you trying to do to us?! I mean, seriously, W?! T?! F?!

Snake In Toilet
(Click to embiggerize.)

Let us say this again: We don’t want links to stories or pictures that make us fear the innocuous, everyday things in our lives. Please, don’t send them. We ask you. We beg you. Don’t send them. It’s enough for us to try to get through life knowing that Christian Ponder is the starting quarterback for our beloved Minnesota Vikings. Seriously, don’t send them.

But if you do want to send links to stories and photos and videos that make us fear the innocuous, everyday things in our lives, please
use this link and select “I have an idea for a blog entry, a.k.a., ‘Give me a Tip of the Ballcap!’.”


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A Life Well Lived

We have decided to ditch today’s regularly scheduled Sunday Morning WTF?! for reasons that should be obvious. Though losing an owner is about as WTF?! as it can get, we have established that stupid little weekly feature as a humorous/snarky/ridiculous take down of things that deserve humor/snark/ridicule. This isn’t one of those things.

Many, many thanks for the many, many texts, e-mails, and Facebook messages in response to yesterday’s news that Washington Bullets owner
Jim Cummings had passed away. A life well lived is one that touches and makes a real difference in the lives of others. From all the reactions we have gotten to the news of his passing, and from reading the reactions on his and his daughter Kendra’s Facebook pages, it is evident that Jim touched and made a difference in the lives of many.

Jim Cummings 2
Jim Cummings


For us here operating this dopey little fantasy baseball league, Jim made a huge difference, and not just because he was the league’s most avid supporter. You see, it was Jim who ultimately reconnected our Livernois Clan with our dad, Guao Wee! owner
Richard “Pop” Livernois, after years of, well, unconnectedness. This comes by way of league founder Joe Livernois’ account of our reconnection with our dad, the book “Road to Guanajuato: Estrangement In Paradise”:

As it turns out, Tony’s research into the deep past also served to rekindle a more recent generational connection. Tony's efforts put him in touch with a long-lost cousin, Jim Cummings, in 1999, who had also recently become interested in the vagaries of the Livernois lineage. After decades of being out of touch with the Livernois side of the family, he located Pop in Mexico. He had remembered my father – his uncle – with fondness and, like the rest of us, had lost track of him. Jim and Pop exchanged correspondence in which Jim learned with sadness of Pop’s estrangement from his children. Jim contacted Tony, brothers in genealogical pursuit, and gently encouraged him to make an effort to reacquaint himself with his father. Tony thus became the first among us to bury old hatchets.

And later in Jay’s telling:

Tony is the one who came to Leon with a box full of videotapes he thought Pop might like to see, only to discover that Pop did not own a VCR. Tony had also produced a ninety-minute video that he thought Pop would like to see. The home video included live action of Pop’s extended family, including in-law wives and husbands and grandchildren that Pop had never met. We had all interviewed our kids, asking them basic questions about their interests, their schools and what it is like to be a Livernois. At the end of each interview, the kids signed off by looking directly into the camera – directly at Pop – to wish him a Happy Birthday. The kids were sweet and beautiful and most of them told Pop they hoped to meet him someday. Even our cousin, Jim Cummings, had created a videotape of himself and his wonderful family wishing Pop a Happy Birthday. It was fitting that Jim be included on the tape considering that he had been responsible for reconnecting us with our father a couple years earlier.

I will always be thankful to Jim. Though he was just a name in the family tree before he called me one Super Bowl Sunday in the late ‘90s, he quickly played a key role in my life just by provoking me to reach out to my dad. That I got to know him a little bit -- through long phone calls (every call started with with a fast “Cousin Tony this is Cousin Jim” ), e-mails, a family reunion, a Stanford/Notre Dame tailgating, and this dopey little fantasy baseball league -- made my life even richer.

Side note: I just notice this yesterday, but it tickles me to no end: Jim’s profile picture on Facebook is the picture we featured in yesterday’s entry where he’s accepting the Ruiz Cup from his son Guy.

Jim on Facebook



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Sunday Morning WTF?! Long John Silver's Hushpuppies Show

The third in our series of fast food WTF?!s is also a Tip of the Ballcap to Chente owner Vince Livernois, who managed various Long John Silver’s’ for decades and whose nickname for a lifelong friend is coincidentally “Hobart,” sent us this video.

I don’t --. I can’t --. I’m at a loss to --.



Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, Long John Silver’s?!?! Two ball-like objects, just hanging around, doing nothing worthwhile?! Is the intent to increase sales? Foot traffic? If so, with what possible demographic? In what possible way?! I mean, seriously, LJS, W?! T?! F?!

With this Tip of the Ballcap, Vince Livernois takes over into third place solo with three tips.
Jay Livernois still leads with six. Joe Kelly is in second place with four. Brian Thornburg, and league follower Missy (@missyisms), are tied for fourth place with two each.


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Sunday Morning WTF?! Wendy's Training Video Circa 1989

The second in our series of fast food WTF?!s, we now turn our attention to Wendy’s, who subjected this training video on its employees back in 1989. Jump to 3:20 in the video to see where the real fun begins.

I don’t --. I can’t --. I’m at a loss to --.



Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, Wendy’s training department?!?! “Most of all, you’ve gotta have your tool”?!?! I mean, seriously, W?! T?! F?!


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Sunday Morning WTF?! Colonel Sanders Meets "Mad Men"

I don’t --. I can’t --. I’m at a loss to --.



Whiskey?! Tango?! Echo-Lima-ing?! Foxtrot?!, Colonel Sanders?!?! I mean, seriously, W?! T?! E-L-ing?! F?!


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Bill Cunning Responds

In last Sunday’s Sunday Morning WTF?!, we noted that Full Circuits owner Bill Cunning had taken to dancing to R&B on his porch with the local wild life and tried to stage an intervention. Bill responded.

Tony/Joe,

I wasn't sure if I was the guy in the beard or the raccoon, but I'll take any publicity I can get.

If my team were any worse I'd be in 49th place.

One thing for sure (this year), I'd never hire myself as a baseball GM.

I remind myself of the old Groucho Marks quip, that I believe goes something like this: "I'd never want to join a club that would have me as a member."

I really was pumped up and ready to jump in and improve my team this year, until I found out I was triple digits behind in the FIRST MONTH … and then things really GOT BAD.

But there is always hope for NEXT YEAR, even though this year did not BOTHER ME, BOTHER ME, BOTHER ME, BOTHER ME, BOTHER ME !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ciao,

Bill

We are not sure how to read this. Is this another cry for help? Do we need to send professionals? Or more raccoons?


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Sunday Morning WTF?! Bill Cunning, Come Back To Civilization!

We suspected something was up when he stopped attending our weekly Skype briefings discussing league shenanigans, but we had no idea how bad things had really gotten. For example, that beard. That foxtrotting beard. Or those overalls and sleeveless t-shirts. But worst of all is that Full Circuits owner Bill Cunning has taken to dancing to R&B on his porch with the local wild life. Don’t believe me? Watch this:



Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, Bill Cunning?!?! Consider this blog post an intervention. All the people in the world that love you, that rely on you, that like to argue politics and religion with you, that serve you waffles with extra syrup, that deliver your newspaper, that administer your fantasy baseball league, your friends, your family, we are saying this now, in one voice, as loud as we can: Please, Bill, return to civilization. Dancing to R&B with raccoons in sleeveless t-shirts and overalls is a cry for help, a cry we hear loud and clear, and we want to help you. We love you, man. Come back. Come back! Seriously, W?! T?! F?!


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Sunday Morning WTF?! A Song For Me Without A Guitar Solo

Yo, Los Askis, if you’re going to write a song about me, throw in an electric guitar solo or two, would you?



Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, Los Askis?!?! I know you’re trying to honor our time together in that Tijuana prison, but at no time did I ever say that I enjoyed wood flutes. In fact, I was very explicit about wooden wind instruments making me want to extract my eyeballs with Wolverine’s claws. Where’s the electric guitar?! The fuzz box?! The solo?! Seriously, W?! T?! F?!


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Sunday Morning WTF?! Local News Has Never Been So Dramatic

I’ll just leave this right here for future generations to see. To ponder. To analyze.



Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, WITI in Milwaukee?!?! Seriously, W?! T?! F?!


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Sunday Morning WTF?! That's Not How To Get Spock Ears

Uh, lady Chinese teacher who desperately tries to make children’s dreams come true, that’s not how Mister Spock got his ears to be all pointy and stuff.

Makeing Spock


Truly, to get the Spock ears so desired by this kid, you’d have to make sure he was born on the planet Vulcan. Stretching them by picking him up is not going to do it. We know. The nuns at St. Mary’s Catholic School in El Centro, CA, tried it on us.

Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, lady Chinese teacher?!?! When are you going to realize that there are some dreams you can’t make come true. Seriously, W?! T?! F?!

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . Power-Hitting Pitching . HOF . Yesterday
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Sunday Morning WTF?! Meets The Most Useless Website On The Internet, Part 9

Someone coded this page, secured the domain name, paid for server space, uploaded the page, tested it to make sure it looked just right, and then released it into the wild.

Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, someone?!?! Unless it was an art project for school or something like that, you wasted a whole lot of time and effort. Seriously,
someone from Brea, CA, W?! T?! F?!

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . Power-Hitting Pitching . HOF . Yesterday
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Sunday Morning WTF?!: Just So Windows Of It

For this morning's Sunday Morning Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?!, I was all set to show some kuckleheaded kuckle-dragger trying to aim a rifle by holding the butt of the rifle just in front of his nose only to be knocked senseless by the butt of the gun on recoil. It was standard WTF fare, good and WTFish. But, as I do, I wanted to get the standings and stats posted first. A new blog post, if you didn't know it, is more than something funny or interesting or insightful or dopey or WTFish or whatever; it's also my visual cue to you that the standings and stats are piping hot, uploaded, and ready to be seen.

Just as an aside -- but seriously, I'm trying to buy time here, which I'll explain in a minute -- to generate the standings and stats, while a lot of steps, is pretty straightforward. I start up Parallels (the virtualization program that runs Windows 7 on my Mac), pop open my boffo Excel spreadsheet (refined these past 13 years to run like a top but which only runs on an old version of Microsoft Office on Windows because Microsoft discontinued macros), open the previous day's stats provided by our third-party stats provider, run the macro that copies the stats into all our various standings and then sorts them, and then run the macro to save all the various webpages that populate our Standings menu. From there, I FTP/upload all the piping hot new webpages to our website, then get to writing the blog post for the day.

So today I go to pop open Parallels, which opens just fine, but Windows won't start, which is just so Windows of it. I put on my Windows hat, which means I need to brace myself for a lot of wasted time trying to troubleshoot an unknown problem. I then try a lot of various Windowsy sierra, which doesn't solve the problem, but then I finally get a C-prompt -- yeah, Windows still has C-prompts, which is just so 1950s of it -- and from there I switch over to my Mac desktop, 'cause, yeah, it's a Mac and I don't have these types of problems on the Mac, do some Googling (what, you think I'm gonna Bing?!) and find some C-prompt kung fu written by others who have found themselves trapped in a similar circle of hell. I try a lot of that sierra and eventually get to an MS-DOS screen -- yeah, Windows still has MS-DOS screens, which is just so 1960s of it -- that says I can try a startup repair, which actually sounds quite promising, so I try that. It immediately shows this screen, which again was very promising:

Windoz

That was more than two hours ago. The reason I'm trying to buy time here is because I want to believe that a repair will actually happen. And here's the truly WTF thing after working through two hours of true Windows Whiskey Tango Foxtrotness: See that button in the lower right that says "Cancel"? Yeah, that one, the one that's not greyed out? It doesn't actually cancel. That's right, even though it's the only button available to me -- it is not grayed out and it is clickable -- clicking it immediately gives me a dialog box that says I can't cancel the repair process. So what the foxtrot is the purpose of the Cancel button?! To deliver news that it can't do what the button is clearly labeled to do?! Shouldn't the button be labeled, oh, I don't know, "Pointless”?!

Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, Microsoft?!?! C-prompts? MS-DOS screens? Cancel buttons that don’t cancel anything? It's like I'm living in a
Twilight Zone episode where instead of advancing, all technologies de-vance. The promise of advancement is (sometimes) laid out in a semi-coherent graphical user interface that does nothing more than eventually tell you that you can't do what it promised you would be able to do, and then does you the additional discourtesy of restricting your options of fixing a problem until the moment you can't even use a Cancel button to cancel something. "…but Pedregoso expected the computer to operate like computers are supposed to operate while using something Microsoft called an 'operating system' -- in the Twilight Zone." Seriously, Microsoft, W?! T?! F?!

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . Power-Hitting Pitching . HOF . Yesterday
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Sunday Morning WTF?!: Who Gets Credit For The Putout?

Yo, Punching Judy's owner Jeren Livernois -- official scorer at Modesto Nuts Professional Baseball Club and reporter at STATS LLC -- how would you score this:



Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, overeager Chinese outfielders?! Everyone knows that the centerfield calls it and the other players back away to let him do his job, like Joe Torre’s daughter did earlier this week. With all of you catching the baby at once, it’s nearly impossible to score this act of heroism. Seriously, W?! T?! F?!

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . Power-Hitting Pitching . HOF . Yesterday
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Sunday Morning WTF?!: Two Countries Separated By A Common Language

This one isn’t really a Sunday Morning WTF?! so much as it is just another of the infinite number of reasons to laugh at the British:







Yes, yes, I know it’s parody, but if you have ever spent any time in England watching Australian cricket (or whatever it was they were playing) at 3:30 in the morning after a long flight from the States and an 8 o’clock client meeting staring you in the face, you’ll see all the truths in this parody. Then there’s the bizarre phraseology, the weird inflections and enthusiasms, and the oddly-placed emphasis on the meaningless.

Having said all that, this guy is
way better than Joe Buck and Tim McCarver.

Wait, maybe this is a Sunday Morning WTF?!

Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, you English?! Now that I think about it, can’t you convince Rupert Murdoch to hire you to replace Joe Buck during this year’s World Series?! Seriously, W?! T?! F?!

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . Power-Hitting Pitching . HOF . Yesterday
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Sunday Morning WTF?!: More Than Aftermath

It was staring us right in the face. Golden Sombrero’s owner Brandon Olivarria had written a boffo blog post detailing the events surrounding No Greinke My Wankee owner Peyton Olivarria graduation and he titled it “Aftermath.” After he sent it to us, we cleaned it up a little, added the pictures, and posted it for all to see. A day later, we found ourselves saying Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?! Here’s why:

It was a blog post about
graduation. It was titled “Aftermath!” Had we for one extra second thought it through, we would have changed the title to “AfterBiology! AfterPE! AfterHomeEc! AfterMath!” Sometimes our wits are dimmer than other times. Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, us! We couldn’t put the clever on for a boffo blog post?! Seriously, W?! T?! F?!

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . Power-Hitting Pitching . HOF . Yesterday
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Sunday Morning WTF?!: Fractally-Wrong "Parenting" Approach

I put a collar and a long leash on my dog Fred every day before we go for a walk. It works well for both of us. He gets to traverse the neighborhood to smell smells, pee pee, Sierra Sierra, chase squirrels or rabbits, say hello to the neighbor kids, that sort of thing. Meanwhile, by having him on a leash I can stop him from running in front of cars and trucks, prevent him from actually catching the squirrels and rabbits, keep him from running away for good, that sort of thing. That’s the way the man-dog relationship is supposed to go. Fred does doggy things; I do doggy ownership things to make sure he doesn’t get killed, doesn’t kill, or doesn’t get lost.

With all that in mind, how in ever-loving Foxtrot does one go about explaining this:

Bad Parenting


Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, Sierra-y parent?! That’s a child. A human child. An apparently functioning human child. With a collar and leash?! On a bike? On a bike with a collar and leash, which you are holding. There’s nothing about this that’s correct or effective at any level. This isn’t just wrong; it’s fractally wrong, wrongness at every conceivable scale of resolution. How is this sad excuse of a parent not only allowed to bring human life into the world, but also allowed to “care” for said human life? W?! T?! F?!

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . Power-Hitting Pitching . HOF . Yesterday
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Sunday Morning WTF?!: Hawk Harrelson Rant

Someone needs to put Hawk Harrelson out of my misery.



Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, Chicago White Sox?! How is this sad excuse of an announcer still on your payroll? W?! T?! F?!

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . Power-Hitting Pitching . HOF . Yesterday
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Sunday Morning WTF?!: Shut Up and Get In My Bed!

Aussie Livernois family infiltrator Tom Hepner, who is married to the daughter of Applegate’s Picks owner Susie Rochellle, posted this to his Facebook page last night with the corresponding comment, “Love the local paper.”

943506_580565535308290_906569922_n
“Love the Local Paper”

We figure the local paper in question here is The Plumas County News, so with that, Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, Plumas County News?! Did you get the whole story? Did the deputy interview the dog to get her side of the story? How do we know that everything is under control? For all we know, the man …

Okay, not going to go there. Step away from the computer. That’s some sick Sierra going through your mind, Pedregoso. Just post and walk away from the keyboard.

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . Power-Hitting Pitching . HOF . Yesterday
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Sunday Morning WTH?! Happy Mother's Day!

As we have in seasons past, we have decided to be respectful to all the mothers in this league for at least one day of the season by renaming our regular Sunday series “Sunday Morning WTF?!” in honor of Mother’s Day to “Sunday Morning WTH?!?!” As in, “What the heck?!” or, “Whiskey Tango Hotel?” Happy Mother’s Day to all you mothers!

We have also decided to revive a league favorite, which Scoots Bigelow owner
Scott “Scoot Bigs” Allen shared with us way back in ’11. Scott said that it is a tradition in his country of origin to celebrate Mother’s Day by dancing around a scooter. We didn’t believe him until we dug up this video on the Interwebs. (BTW, Scoot’s the one wearing jorts.)



Whiskey?! Tango?! Hotel?!, strange street dancing kids? I mean, seriously, W?! T?! H?!

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . Power-Hitting Pitching . HOF . Yesterday
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Sunday Morning WTF?!: Lethal League (NSFW)

“This is, uh, Lethal Ball Jousting. It’s fun.”



Is this really something some people do, record themselves while playing video games and then posting the results to YouTube? And is this something that other people do -- like I unfortunately just did -- watch the videos of people who recorded themselves playing video games and posted to YouTube. Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, some people and other people. So much world, so much wondrous technology, so many wonderful people, so little life. I mean, seriously, W?! T?! F?!

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . Power-Hitting Pitching . HOF . Yesterday
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Sunday Morning WTF?!: Manny's Still Playing Baseball?

Tip of the ballcap to Kershawshank Redemption owner Joe Kelly, the conveniently named owner of possibly the next pitcher to pay off in the Creepy Cardinal Pitcher Death Watch Pool. Anyway, Joe sent us a message that said, simply, “There's a lot going on here. WTF!?”



Indeed, there is a lot going on here and Deadspin captures most of the good ones. But the biggest WTF?! is the fact that Manny Ramirez is still playing professional baseball. Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, Manny Ramirez. You don’t when it’s time to hang it up?! W?! T?! F?!

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . Power-Hitting Pitching . HOF . Yesterday
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(NSFW) Sunday Morning WTF?!: This Is Our Foxtrotting City!

You know Big Papi is gonna be sorry he said these words over the airwaves:



The FCC’’s gotta come down on him like a ton of bricks, right? So I was building up a big head of steam to blow off at the FCC in one of my more epic Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!’s, anticipating that the commission would get all fine heavy with David Ortiz, but then I came across this:

FCC


Seriously. So, now I have to go with a cheap Sunday Morning WTF?! and say: Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, FCC, you had to go all reasonable and treat the public like a group of adults rather than fining David Ortiz a metric-Sierra-ton of cash for saying something honest and personal. Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!’, FCC, you defied expectations and came off as cool. That’s not the FCC we know.

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . Power-Hitting Pitching . HOF . Yesterday
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Sunday Morning WTF?!: World Pole Dancing Championship?!

I just discovered that the 2013 World Pole Dancing Championship was dominated by Russians and Ukrainians. If you ever visited a strip club in Southern California or Tijuana, Mexico, in the ’80, you would consider this to be a major WTF. You would be outraged that the U.S. and Mexico have both ceded their pole dancing powers to the nasty Eastern bloc. And your outrage would be well targeted.

But you know what a bigger WTF is for us? That three’s a World Pole Dancing Championship! And do you know what an even bigger WTF is for us? That three’s a World Pole Dancing Championship and we haven’t started a fantasy league around it! Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?! fellow league owners! How come you haven’t been hounding us to start a World Pole Dancing Championship fantasy league? It would be bigger than the SLPL. Bigger than NCAA’s college basketball brackets. Bigger than Elvis. Aaron. Presley. What?! The?! Foxtrot?!

Sorry we don’t have video of the 2013 event, but here’s video from the 2012 World Pole Dancing Championship:


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Sunday Morning WTF?!: Us!

For this season’s first Sunday Morning Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?!, the wildly popular weekly feature where we ponder the f’n imponderables that need to be pondered, we turn the target inward. For good reason.

You wouldn’t think we would miss something like this on Opening Day, but we did. Below is a Tweet from returning owner
Peyton Olivarria with her boyfriend, SLPL rookie Frankie Montellano, at the Dodgers’ home opener against the Giants. That was the game where Clayton Kershaw choke-held the Giants to exactly zero runs while rockin’ a Power-Hitting Pitcher home run in the 8th inning.

peytonolivarria Tweet
This Season’s Best New Sitcom, Peyton & Frankie
(Click to enlargenate.)


So, WTF, us, how could we miss such a sweet Tweet … about us?!?

But the bigger WTF is how it is that one of our owners -- who has been out of the league for a season -- could be the first person ever to come up with a Santa Lechuga hashtag, #santalechuga?! Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?! Us?! Figure out the whole social media thing on our own, will us? I mean seriously, WTF?!

But props to Peyton for dragging us kicking and screaming into the 2000s. If we were left to our own devices, we would still be posting our fantasy baseball standings using flags in center field, like the Chicago Cubs.

BTW, owners with long memories may remember Peyton as the avid Dodger fan who somehow infiltrated the San Francisco Giants backchannel
to make an impressive MLB singing debut at AT&T Park when she was still in grade school.

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