Santa Lechuga Power League:

The Best Damn Fantasy Baseball League In the Universe! (Yes. Universe.)

I Like It Too Much

Cat Laser Pong

I could watch this all day.

SbW8sEh


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The Most Useless Website On The Internet, Part 10

Because, who doesn’t like bouncing cats?


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Courtney Stodden Dons Lettuce Bikini To Promote Vegan Hotdogs

We’ll just leave this right here because, well, this is the Santa Lechuga Power League … and we love our leafy greens.



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That's Some Major League Snark!

Chente owner Vince Livernois breaks out with his major league snark on Facebook:

Snark

We like it too much.


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I Will Do This One Day … And It Will Work

Thing of beauty.

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Hammerin' Hank

It will take you 15 clicks to get through them all, but darned if reading Hank Aaron’s quotes under these vintage photos isn’t worth the effort.


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Honest Trailers: Breaking Bad

Check out Honest Trailers, a feature of Screen Junkies …. my new favorite YouTube channel because they do stuff like this:


"Seriously, you better tune in fast if you don't want to be ostracized by white people."


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Dresser Crabs Have Better Fashion Sense Than Most Of Our League's Owners

Yeah, but you don’t see the most beautiful of their species walking the runway, do you? Or is that their runway?



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A Carp Is A Living Thing, Unrefined And Smelly

It is fun when people are passionate about something. And like all great music videos, this video is especially educational about carp.



The whole fish tank motif has me thinking of the opening scene of Monty Python’s
The Meaning of Life: ‘Morning!



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World's Best Magician

He is amazing.

EN3gzk0


My mind is blown. How
does he do it?


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The Matrix Goes To Yankee Stadium

Simply cool.



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Well, Because It Just Sounds Good

Tip of the ball cap to Chente owner Vince Livernois, who suggests you just turn up the volume. Thanks, Vince!

But I can’t help but to go meta here. If you still have Ryan Braun or
Albert Pujols on your roster, this is what you’re doing:



Update: It appears that while I was going meta, JJ Cale was literally going down, as in six feet under. Ah, hell.


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It's All In The Packaging: Charlatan Street Fighters

We here at the SLPL Blog detest -- a.k.a., abhor! despise! execrate! -- charlatans like those shown in this video. We do love this video, though, because it makes fun of the charlatans, those opportunistic, scum-sucking swindlers who fleece ignorant, hurting, and/or desperate people. Round 1, fight!



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I Thought Peanut Butter Knuckles Was A Candy Bar

Why isn’t this on every grocery store shelf for every jarred product at this very moment? This must exist and be ubiquitous within a year or we are going to have to declare capitalism a complete and total failure.



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Cat Reacts To Owner Coming Home After Six Months

You think watching dogs react to veterans coming home from war is fun and heart tugging? You haven’t seen anything yet.



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Why Lettuce Keeps Making Us Sick

I still haven’t had the heart to read this article. The title alone makes me sick to my stomach.


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I Can Empathize

As a Cleveland Indians fan, I understand the sentiment.

AMhXQSR
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You Fall Withn A Bell Curve

I mentioned a coupla days ago that the world needs more Tim Minchin. In that vein:


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Mr. Diety Is Back: Layers and Layers of Absurdification

Trustify me, guys, releases of new Mr. Deity videos have a way of ebbing and flowing.


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We May Or May Not Be Going Dark, Part 5 (NSFYE)

After posting stats and standings this morning, we may or may not be going dark until Friday morning depending on whether or not the Econo Lodge in Middletown, NY, provides a dial-up Internet connection higher than 14.4 kbit/s and whether or not the anti-virus program on my Altair 4400 laptop cleans up the 463 viruses it started cleaning last Tuesday. Watch this space for more news. Or not.

In the meantime, here is an awesome -- though NSFYE, which means “not safe for young ears” -- video by Tim Minchin because, quite frankly, the world needs way,
way, way more Tim Minchin. (Seriously, this is not safe for young ears. Nephews and nieces of mine, please don’t watch this unless you get written consent from one of my siblings, signed in triplicate, and notarized by a Tunisian banker.)


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Sunday Morning WTF?!: Two Countries Separated By A Common Language

This one isn’t really a Sunday Morning WTF?! so much as it is just another of the infinite number of reasons to laugh at the British:







Yes, yes, I know it’s parody, but if you have ever spent any time in England watching Australian cricket (or whatever it was they were playing) at 3:30 in the morning after a long flight from the States and an 8 o’clock client meeting staring you in the face, you’ll see all the truths in this parody. Then there’s the bizarre phraseology, the weird inflections and enthusiasms, and the oddly-placed emphasis on the meaningless.

Having said all that, this guy is
way better than Joe Buck and Tim McCarver.

Wait, maybe this is a Sunday Morning WTF?!

Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, you English?! Now that I think about it, can’t you convince Rupert Murdoch to hire you to replace Joe Buck during this year’s World Series?! Seriously, W?! T?! F?!

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America Rejoices

Tip of the ballcap to Kershawshank Redemption owner Joe Kelley (via Facebook) for expressing this sentiment so perfectly.

America Rejoices

While we suppose the sentiment isn’t shared by all Americans--there might be Kings fans in the world, who knows? and I’ve heard rumors that the Heat have a couple of fans amongst the populous--this American is definitely rejoicing.

Now, San Antonio, don’t fold like the Bulls and Pacers before you. Get this foxtrotter done, okay?

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Baseball Question: Adjusting Batting Gloves Is Totally Oedipal

Tip of the ballcap to Chente owner Vince Livernois (via Facebook), who posed this question: “Does anyone know why a batting glove needs to be adjusted after every pitch? Even if a batter doesn't swing they are adjusting their glove. I'll be annoyed until I know. If it's a nervous quirk I'll be even more annoyed.” Tip of the ballcap to The Heart is a Lonely Hunter Pence owner Joe Livernois for the best response … and for a worthy follow-up question.

Baseball Question

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Aftermath!

Note as of 11:38 am on 6/4: Stats and standings for last night’s games have now been updated. I am sill having PC problems, but I used my trusty backup.

Well, the weekend started Thursday night with a late night flight from Austin, TX into SFO. The joy of No Greinke My Wankee owner
Miss Peyton Markie Olivarria walking the line was the main reason for the trip. However … the weekend ended up being one of those weekends we will be talking about every time we all get together. Nothing can take away from Peyton's accomplishment, but WOW!

Friday: Peyton's Big Day!
Friday went off without a hitch … if you were part of another family, but our family, well, not so much. The running around and the last minute preparations for Saturday’s party created a long morning. Then, at the graduation itself, having to sit through 350-plus horribly butchered names, the sunburns, and the horrible last-minute speeches made it all worth finally hearing the name we were all there to hear: “Peyton. Markie. Olivarria!” Echo throughout the PIT!

Peyton
“Peyton. Markie. Olivarria!” Cue the Pit!

Saturday: Party!
Saturday started with all the guys strategically planning a round of golf while the ladies stayed home and put on all the finishing touches. The party began around 5 pm with family and friends coming to congratulate Peyton. What would go down in a few short hours miss Cleo couldn't have predicted. THE DANCE OFF!!! Star of this would have been -- drum roll, please … Hamiltoes owner TYLER SHADDY! The breakdancing moves this white kid was putting down took me back to the movie Beat Street! All that was missing was the Super Fly Adidas track suit.


This video isn’t sideways. That’s just how Tyler dances.

After Tyler finished wiping the floor with his horrible dance moves, the party continued in the backyard. At this point, the (in)famous GOLDEN SOMBRERO was retrieved from the wall of trophies! It was only fitting I represent my 29th place team with some good luck! Kempin' It Real! owner Kyle Harmon refused to wear it for reasons we do not speak of. Okay, we’ll speak of them: He said he did not want to jinx Chris Davis, the only reason Kempin' It Real! is currently in the Top 10.

Golden Sombrero

The end of the night ends in walk-off fashion! Or, for our non baseball fans, homicide. One of our beloved family members, who we have been trying to persuade to join our wonderful league, Dan the Pirate, decided he was calling it a night. Boy did he. Dan did his best to audition for an upcoming role in Law and Order SVU. So we did our best Stabler and Benson impressions.

The Pirate
Dan the Pirate. Calling It A Night.

Like I said at the beginning, a weekend that will continue to be talked about for a long time!

But let us not forget the real reason we were all able to come together: Peyton's graduation. Congrats, Peyton, you have made all of us so proud! Once a cowboy always a cowboy!

Editor’s Note: How is it possible that the Livernoises and Klinkhamers haven’t ended up at the same party as the Olivarrias? Or would that rip the space-time continuum and bring the planet to screeching halt?

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Post-Game-Interview Bombing

Tip of the ballcap to league follower and sometimes-SLPL-blog-contributor Missy for this link to Castle Inanity’s website, which is sort of difficult to describe but which we support fully. You’ve heard of photo-bombing, right? It’s the fine art of ruining other people’s photos. Well, the Cincinnati Bearcats have taken it to another level, post-game-interview bombing. Here’s an example:

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Cincinnati Bearcat On A Spit


Here’s an article about the pranks. And here’s a video compilation:



Thanks, Missy, for the link!

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Sunday Morning WTF?!: Shut Up and Get In My Bed!

Aussie Livernois family infiltrator Tom Hepner, who is married to the daughter of Applegate’s Picks owner Susie Rochellle, posted this to his Facebook page last night with the corresponding comment, “Love the local paper.”

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“Love the Local Paper”

We figure the local paper in question here is The Plumas County News, so with that, Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, Plumas County News?! Did you get the whole story? Did the deputy interview the dog to get her side of the story? How do we know that everything is under control? For all we know, the man …

Okay, not going to go there. Step away from the computer. That’s some sick Sierra going through your mind, Pedregoso. Just post and walk away from the keyboard.

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We May Or May Not Be Going Dark, Part 3

Come Monday, we may or may not be going dark again, depending on whether or not I want to take time from my water-front hotel view in Portland, Maine, to do something as trivial as updating this damn website. If I am unable to peel my eyes away from the North Atlantic Ocean next week, the SLPL will be dark from Monday until later Friday morning.

In the meantime … there’s no reason to post this except that I’m a huge fan of
The National, they have a new album coming out, and this video is fun.


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Hittin' The Air

I’m hitting the air for Greensboro, NC. Not much more to say about that.

But while I’m in the air, enjoy this bit of bitcheness:


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Sunday Morning WTH?! Happy Mother's Day!

As we have in seasons past, we have decided to be respectful to all the mothers in this league for at least one day of the season by renaming our regular Sunday series “Sunday Morning WTF?!” in honor of Mother’s Day to “Sunday Morning WTH?!?!” As in, “What the heck?!” or, “Whiskey Tango Hotel?” Happy Mother’s Day to all you mothers!

We have also decided to revive a league favorite, which Scoots Bigelow owner
Scott “Scoot Bigs” Allen shared with us way back in ’11. Scott said that it is a tradition in his country of origin to celebrate Mother’s Day by dancing around a scooter. We didn’t believe him until we dug up this video on the Interwebs. (BTW, Scoot’s the one wearing jorts.)



Whiskey?! Tango?! Hotel?!, strange street dancing kids? I mean, seriously, W?! T?! H?!

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We May Or May Not Be Going Dark, Part 2

Come Monday, we may or may not be going dark again, depending on whether or not Greensboro, NC, has received the benefit of high speed Internet yet. We know the Carolinas have had problems working their way into the 19th century politically -- see also: Mark Sanford winning his recent election -- but we don’t know if they lag that far behind technologically. If Greensboro, NC, is still trying to grapple with the advent of the telegraph, the SLPL will be dark from Monday until Friday next week.

In the meantime … I can't walk to the next room carrying a half-filled coffee mug without spilling the rest of the coffee. And then there's this lady.


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Joe Kelly's Bro

Here’s a great article about Kershawshank Redemption owner Joe Kelly’s brother, David Kelly. From Joe, via Facebook:

David Kelly
(Click to biggercize.)
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Slap Biff with an Eel

There are at least two dozen people I would love to slap with an eel. And that’s just in this league alone. But given all those pesky laws and statutes and social norms forbidding such an action, this website will have to do. Just scroll your mouse from right to left across the picture to slap this dopey-looking hipster dudebro, let’s call him Biff, with an eel. When done with Biff -- about five good slaps will do it, I think -- conjure up a picture of each person you would like to slap with an eel, overlay Biff’s face with theirs, and repeat. It’s oddly soothing while simultaneously avoiding all those pesky laws and statutes and social norms.

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