Final 2013 Champs and Money Winners Announced; Jim Cummings Cup Unveiled
Longtime league owner Kevin Klinkhamer of Dongwhipped was crowned the 2013 SLPL Overall Champion Wednesday night after the Boston Red Sox finished off the St. Louis Cardinals in the World Series. “This is for 2006, suckas! And (Cameltowing, Inc. owner) David ‘Eddie’ Edison can get bent!” Kevin shouted during his champagne shower in the Dongwhipped locker room, referring to the fact that Eddie overtook Kevin during the 2006 World Series to win the 2006 SLPL Championship.
“I’m proud of this team. So proud,” Kevin said. “We couldn’t get a break to overtake (Cabbage Farmers owner) Paul Martin the whole season, but we somehow found a way to break through the final week of the season. And when Paul moved into first during the playoffs, I just figured it was a repeat of Ought-Six and I would have to make due with Regular Season champ. But the ‘Whipped found a way to overtake him again during the World Series. Amazing, I tell you. Amazing.”
Commissioner Rube Furrow was on hand to present Kevin his due accolades and unveil a new championship coffee mug. “Kevin, I’m proud to present you with the Jim Cummings Cup, named after the 2005 Overall Champ and recently-deceased Jim Cummings in honor of winning the Overall SLPL Championship,” Rube said. “Jim would have been excited to see how you won this championship, coming from behind in the Regular Season and again in the Playoffs to win both the Regular Season and Overall Championships. He loved a good competition and he would have been impressed by your performance this season.”
In addition to being crowned Overall Champ, with his win Kevin collects a cool four-hundred-and-fifty-five clams from The Pot.
Cabbage Farmers owner Paul Martin, for coming in second during both the Regular Season and Overall standings, also won $455.
Meanwhile, The Heart is a Lonely Hunter Pence owner Joe Livernois was crowned the Playoffs Champ after taking over the top spot just days before. With that win, Joe pulled $125 out of The Pot.
Here are all the official champs and final payouts for the 2013 season:
Overall Champ: Kevin Klinkhamer, Dongwhipped
Playoff Champ: Joe Livernois, The Heart is a Lonely Hunter Pence
2013 Regular Season Champs
Regular Season Champ: Kevin Klinkhamer, Dongwhipped
Hitting Champ: Paul Martin, Cabbage Farmers
Pitching Champ: Kevin Klinkhamer, Dongwhipped
Power-Hitting Pitchers Champ: Weston Livernois, Weston's Warriors
All-Star Champ: Joe Livernois, The Heart is a Lonely Hunter Pence
Arugula Division Champ: Dave Adrian, Cain I Lincecum in Ur Posey
Cripshead Division Champ: Vince Livernois, Chente
Endive Division Champ: Joe Kelly, Kershawshank Redemption
Frisee Division Champ: Kevin Klinkhamer, Dongwhipped
Radicchio Division Champ: Paul Martin, Cabbage Farmers
Romaine Division Champ: Jeff Burns, Valley Bombers
Spinach Division Champ: Kyle Harmon, Puigin' It Real!
Swiss Chard Division Champ: Rick Coppock, Highlanders
2013 Final Payoffs
$455 - Kevin Klinkhamer, Dongwhipped - Overall Champ
$455 - Paul Martin, Cabbage Farmers - Regular Season Champ (a.k.a., next most deserving team for having won 2nd place both Overall and Regular Season, replaces Kevin Klinkhamer as money winner)
$375 - Joe Livernois, The Heart is a Lonely Hunter Pence - All-Star Champ + Playoff Champ + Pitching Champ (a.k.a., next most deserving team, replaces Kevin Klinkhamer as money winner)
$225 - Weston Livernois, Weston's Warriors - Power-Hitting Pitchers Champ + Division Champ (a.k.a., next most deserving PHP team, replaces Paul Martin as the money winner of Radicchio Division)
$225 - Joe Kelly, Kershawshank Redemption - Endive Division Champ + Hitting Champ (a.k.a., next most deserving team, replaces Kevin Klinkhamer and Paul Martin as the money winner)
$100 - Dave Adrian, Cain I Lincecum in Ur Posey - Arugula Division Champ
$100 - Vince Livernois, Chente - Cripshead Division Champ
$100 - Jeff Burns, Valley Bombers - Romaine Division Champ
$100 - Kyle Harmon, Puigin' It Real! - Spinach Division Runner-Up
$100 - Rick Coppock, Highlanders - Swiss Chard Division Champ
$100 - Tony Livernois, Pepino Monos - Division Champ (a.k.a., next most deserving Division team, replaces winner Kevin Klinkhamer as money winner of Frisee Division)
There's still one payout to be made for the 2013 season since we extend our Hall-of-Fame Death Pool for each season until the beginning of the next season. This means that we will start next season by handing out a check to our final 2013 winner. No one currently leads 'cause no HOFers have expired this season, but we are really hoping to catch a few quality HOF deaths between now and the beginning of next season.
Congratulations to Kevin Klinkhamer and his Dongwhipped and congrats to all our 2013 champs and money winners. And thanks to all of you for joining us for a most-excellent season. We look forward to seeing you all next year.
P.S. If you haven't paid your ownership and trade fees, get on it already! We need to cut some championship checks! (Check Who Owes What to see what you owe. And if you've already paid and we haven't noted it, please let us know.) Send your check to:
459 Echo Valley Road
Salinas, CA 93907
If it's more convenient, you can pay your derelict debt using PayPal.
P.P.S. IMPORTANT MESSAGE TO ALL WINNERS: Please respond with your preferred snail mail address so Rube can send your check. But before you do that, check the Who Owes What page to see if you actually owe monies for trades even after winning. Many of our Division winners still own money.