Santa Lechuga Power League:

The Best Damn Fantasy Baseball League In the Universe! (Yes. Universe.)

Oct 2013

Final 2013 Champs and Money Winners Announced; Jim Cummings Cup Unveiled

mlb-world-series

Longtime league owner Kevin Klinkhamer of Dongwhipped was crowned the 2013 SLPL Overall Champion Wednesday night after the Boston Red Sox finished off the St. Louis Cardinals in the World Series. “This is for 2006, suckas! And (Cameltowing, Inc. owner) David ‘Eddie’ Edison can get bent!” Kevin shouted during his champagne shower in the Dongwhipped locker room, referring to the fact that Eddie overtook Kevin during the 2006 World Series to win the 2006 SLPL Championship.

“I’m proud of this team. So proud,” Kevin said. “We couldn’t get a break to overtake (Cabbage Farmers owner)
Paul Martin the whole season, but we somehow found a way to break through the final week of the season. And when Paul moved into first during the playoffs, I just figured it was a repeat of Ought-Six and I would have to make due with Regular Season champ. But the ‘Whipped found a way to overtake him again during the World Series. Amazing, I tell you. Amazing.”

Commissioner
Rube Furrow was on hand to present Kevin his due accolades and unveil a new championship coffee mug. “Kevin, I’m proud to present you with the Jim Cummings Cup, named after the 2005 Overall Champ and recently-deceased Jim Cummings in honor of winning the Overall SLPL Championship,” Rube said. “Jim would have been excited to see how you won this championship, coming from behind in the Regular Season and again in the Playoffs to win both the Regular Season and Overall Championships. He loved a good competition and he would have been impressed by your performance this season.”

In addition to being crowned Overall Champ, with his win Kevin collects a cool four-hundred-and-fifty-five clams from
The Pot.

Cabbage Farmers owner Paul Martin, for coming in second during both the Regular Season and Overall standings, also won $455.

Meanwhile, The Heart is a Lonely Hunter Pence owner
Joe Livernois was crowned the Playoffs Champ after taking over the top spot just days before. With that win, Joe pulled $125 out of The Pot.

Here are all the official champs and final payouts for the 2013 season:

2013 Champs

End-of-Season Champs
Overall Champ: Kevin Klinkhamer, Dongwhipped
Playoff Champ: Joe Livernois, The Heart is a Lonely Hunter Pence

2013 Regular Season Champs
Regular Season Champ: Kevin Klinkhamer, Dongwhipped
Hitting Champ:
Paul Martin, Cabbage Farmers
Pitching Champ:
Kevin Klinkhamer, Dongwhipped
Power-Hitting Pitchers Champ:
Weston Livernois, Weston's Warriors
All-Star Champ:
Joe Livernois, The Heart is a Lonely Hunter Pence
Arugula Division Champ:
Dave Adrian, Cain I Lincecum in Ur Posey
Cripshead Division Champ:
Vince Livernois, Chente
Endive Division Champ:
Joe Kelly, Kershawshank Redemption
Frisee Division Champ:
Kevin Klinkhamer, Dongwhipped
Radicchio Division Champ:
Paul Martin, Cabbage Farmers
Romaine Division Champ:
Jeff Burns, Valley Bombers
Spinach Division Champ:
Kyle Harmon, Puigin' It Real!
Swiss Chard Division Champ:
Rick Coppock, Highlanders

2013 Final Payoffs
$455 - Kevin Klinkhamer, Dongwhipped - Overall Champ
$455 - Paul Martin, Cabbage Farmers - Regular Season Champ (a.k.a., next most deserving team for having won 2nd place both Overall and Regular Season, replaces Kevin Klinkhamer as money winner)

$375 - Joe Livernois, The Heart is a Lonely Hunter Pence - All-Star Champ + Playoff Champ + Pitching Champ (a.k.a., next most deserving team, replaces Kevin Klinkhamer as money winner)

$225 - Weston Livernois, Weston's Warriors - Power-Hitting Pitchers Champ + Division Champ (a.k.a., next most deserving PHP team, replaces Paul Martin as the money winner of Radicchio Division)
$225 - Joe Kelly, Kershawshank Redemption - Endive Division Champ + Hitting Champ (a.k.a., next most deserving team, replaces Kevin Klinkhamer and Paul Martin as the money winner)

$100 - Dave Adrian, Cain I Lincecum in Ur Posey - Arugula Division Champ
$100 - Vince Livernois, Chente - Cripshead Division Champ
$100 - Jeff Burns, Valley Bombers - Romaine Division Champ
$100 - Kyle Harmon, Puigin' It Real! - Spinach Division Runner-Up
$100 - Rick Coppock, Highlanders - Swiss Chard Division Champ
$100 - Tony Livernois, Pepino Monos - Division Champ (a.k.a., next most deserving Division team, replaces winner Kevin Klinkhamer as money winner of Frisee Division)

There's still one payout to be made for the 2013 season since we extend our
Hall-of-Fame Death Pool for each season until the beginning of the next season. This means that we will start next season by handing out a check to our final 2013 winner. No one currently leads 'cause no HOFers have expired this season, but we are really hoping to catch a few quality HOF deaths between now and the beginning of next season.

Congratulations to Kevin Klinkhamer and his Dongwhipped and congrats to all our 2013 champs and money winners. And thanks to all of you for joining us for a most-excellent season. We look forward to seeing you all next year.

Pedregoso

P.S. If you haven't paid your ownership and trade fees, get on it already! We need to cut some championship checks! (Check
Who Owes What to see what you owe. And if you've already paid and we haven't noted it, please let us know.) Send your check to:

Joe Livernois
459 Echo Valley Road
Salinas, CA 93907

If it's more convenient, you can pay your derelict debt using PayPal.

P.P.S. IMPORTANT MESSAGE TO ALL WINNERS: Please respond with your preferred snail mail address so Rube can send your check. But before you do that, check the Who Owes What page to see if you actually owe monies for trades even after winning. Many of our Division winners still own money.

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Kevin Klinkhamer Crowned 2013 Santa Lechuga Power League Overall Champ

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Dongwhipped owner Kevin Klinkhamer has won the 2013 Santa Lechuga Power League Overall Championship. The Heart is a Lonely Hunter Pence owner Joe Livernois has won the Playoff Championship. A full report, including more about Kevin celebrations and details on our final money winners, will come later Thursday.

In the meantime, congratulations to Kevin and Joe!

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Klinkhamer Extends Overall Lead; Joe Livernois Takes Lead In Playoffs Standings

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Kevin Klinkhamer, owner of Dongwhipped, added 100 points to his lead in the Overall Standings on Adam Wainwright’s 10 K performance Monday night. The Heart is a Lonely Hunter Pence owner Joe Livernois, meanwhile, took over 1st place in the Playoffs Standings. There may not be a lot of players left in the playoffs, but we are definitely getting some action in the standings from those who remain. Will things change again before the World Series is over? Stay tuned.


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Kevin Klinkhamer Moves Into First. Again.

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With last night’s action, our Regular Season Champ, Dongwhipped owner Kevin Klinkhamer, has moved back into first place, overtaking Cabbage Farmers owner Paul Martin. With the World Series tied up at two games apiece, there are at least two games left to be played, which could make things interesting, but right now Kevin is in position to be crowned Overall Champ, too, which would be quite a feat. Stay tuned.

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Nothing More Fun Than Listening To A Red Sox Fan Whine

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The umpires got the call right. But even if they didn’t, having them make the call in the first place is totally worth it because we get to listen to Red Sox fans cry and whine and stomp and act all Pedroia. Suck it, Red Sox fans.

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And You Call *Me* Irreverent?

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I have been called irreverent. More than once. More than once on major holidays. More than once by multiple people in the same hour. More than once by multiple people on a major holiday within the same hour within a single exchange.

They know me too well, I admit. I don’t always show “respect for people or things that are generally taken seriously,” which is a common definition of reverence.

I have my reasons. The biggest being that I don’t always agree with what others generally take seriously. So when I go all irreverent on someone’s Alpha, it’s because I don’t agree that the target of my ire should be taken seriously. My rule of thumb: Ridicule is an appropriate response to the ridiculous.

And until last night, I thought I was the master of irreverence. I’ve been told as much. More than once. By multiple people on a major holiday within the same hour within a single exchange.

Then last night happened.

I won’t give away the name so as to protect the irreverent, but here are just a few quotes from texts I received from one of my favorite people on earth, who also happens to be an SLPL owner, during last night’s World Series:

“Foxtrot Boston!”

“Why do I need to be reminded of a Foxtrotting tragedy?”

“I’m Foxtrotting trying to get my mind off serious Sierra over here.”

“Foxtrotting heroes!”

“Running 26 miles and you take a little shrapnel and I’m supposed to [redacted] you?”

And, finally: “I’m tired of seeing Pedroia’s facial tic.”

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is irreverence. I’m thinking about just conceding right here and now. I will
never be that good.

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Who Cares?

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The World Series has started and we could not care less. Don’t get us wrong. We care about the SLPL and how that will shake out, but we couldn’t care less about the World Series itself. If you’re like us, pay attention to the SLPL Overall Standings and our Playoffs Standings. And do your best to ignore Joe Buck and Tim McCarver.

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It's Going To Be A Low Scoring World Series

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It’s going to be a low scoring World Series. In the Santa Lechuga Power League. I don’t know what’s going to happen in the MLB, but for the SLPL points are going to be difficult to come by. With the Dodgers and Tigers out of the picture, the SLPL is left with just six total players participating int the Fall Classic: Mike Napoli, David Ortiz, Matt Adams, Carlos Beltran, Clay Buchholz, and Adam Wainwright. There are so few World Series players that many teams have no active players playing. But for those who do still have players, it will be interesting to see how things shake out in the Overall Standings and in the Playoffs Standings. Meanwhile, we are going dark until Wednesday night, the first game of the World Series, or first thing Thursday morning. This is for sure (unless something earthshaking happens and we want to comment on it) and not just a possibility. So there.

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Luvs Me Some Defense

2013 Postseason

Tip of the Ballcap to Cornborro T-Birds owner Brian Thornburg, who via Facebook passed along this video with the comment “Luvs me some defense … even Papi gives the props.”


With this Tip of the Ballcap, Brian re-ties Kevin Klinkhamer and moves into 2nd place with six Tips apiece. Jay Livernois is in 1st with seven Tips. Joe Kelley is in third place with five Tips. Vince Livernois is in 4th place with three Tips. Marcus Rochellle and league follower Missy (@missyisms) each have two Tips.

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Even Joe Buck Can't Take Tim McCarver Anymore

2013 Postseason

And just like that, on the power of Adrian Gonzalez’s two homers Wednesday night, Cabbage Farmers owner Paul Martin has re-taken 1st place in the Overall Standings. Props to Paul for the deft end-of-season trades, where he picked up Gonzalez using a free trade. The question, though, is whether or not he’ll be able to hold onto the top spot through the rest of the Division Series and an entire World Series.

Tip of the Ballcap to league leader, uber-Pearl Jam fan, and Dongwhipped owner Kevin Klinkhamer, who passed along this link and GIF while making this observation: “Even Joe Buck can't take Tim McCarver anymore...and that's saying something!”

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With this Tip of the Ballcap, Kevin moves into 2nd place all by himself with six Tips. Jay Livernois is in 1st with seven Tips. Brian Thornburg and Joe Kelley are in third place with five Tips apiece. Vince Livernois is in 4th place with three Tips. Marcus Rochellle and league follower Missy (@missyisms) each have two Tips.

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And Just Like That, Paul Martin's Back In 1st!

2013 Postseason

And just like that, on the power of Adrian Gonzalez’s two homers Wednesday night, Cabbage Farmers owner Paul Martin has re-taken 1st place in the Overall Standings. Props to Paul for the deft end-of-season trades, where he picked up Gonzalez using a free trade. The question, though, is whether or not he’ll be able to hold onto the top spot through the rest of the Division Series and an entire World Series.

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Not Dark, But We're Near Dark

2013 Postseason

Yes, we’re posting stats and standings during the playoffs while in North Carolina, but that’s pretty much it. So sue us.

We May Be Going Dark, Part Too Many

2013 Postseason

Come Tuesday morning, we may or may not be going dark again, depending on whether or not Charlotte, NC, has received the benefit of high speed Internet yet. We know the Carolinas have had problems working their way into the 19th century politically, but we don’t know if they lag that far technologically. If Charlotte is still trying to grapple with the advent of the telegraph or even the modem, the SLPL will be dark through Friday. We really hope that doesn’t happen.

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Kyle Harmon Making Real Run At Kevin Klinkhamer

2013 Postseason

Puigin' It Real! owner Kyle Harmon is making a real run at the Overall Standings and leads the Playoffs Standings by 81 points. Given their playoffs rosters, it should be interesting to see if Regular Season Champ Kevin Klinkhamer, owner of Dongwhipped, can fend off Kyle’s charge.

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Cubs Fans Finally Have 48 Reasons To Watch World Series

2013 Postseason

Tip of the Ballcap to league leader, uber-Pearl Jam fan, and Dongwhipped owner Kevin Klinkhamer, who passed along this piece of good news with the comment “48 (Pearl Jam) songs!?!? Well, at least one thing won't suck about the World Series.”

With this Tip of the Ballcap, Kevin moves into a three-way 2nd place tie with Brian Thornburg and
Joe Kelley with five Tips apiece. Jay Livernois is in 1st with seven Tips. Vince Livernois is in 3rd place all alone with three Tips. Marcus Rochellle and league follower Missy (@missyisms) each have two Tips.

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We Have That Going For Us

2013 Postseason

Still not a lot of content here after the Wild Card and Division Series, but we are still updating and posting stats and standings during the playoffs. So. We have that going for us.

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Nothin'

I got nothin’.
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Never Go With A Hippie To A Second Location

Many who attended the Hardly Strictly Bluegrass Festival are referring to this photo as the Zupruder shot. This, they say, is where the head came off.

Zapruder
Rube Furrow and Pedregoso Rios enjoy a cupcake that
the nice hippie girl made just for them

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Holy Sierra!

This comes by way of Cabbage Farmers owner Paul Martin: “Holy Sierra! Without that cookie duster, Jay looks like your mom!”

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Experiences. We Had Them

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Standings And Stats

2013 Postseason


Not a lot of content here, but we are updating
stats and standings during the playoffs. So we have that going for us.

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Brothers

Yeah. So. This happened.

Hardly Strictly
Tony, Sam, Jay, and Vince at
Hardly Strictly Fest

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We May Be Going Dark (Or To The Hardly Strictly Festival)

2013 Postseason


To nurse my wounds over the Cleveland Indians' spectacular one-game flameout, I'm headed to Northern California to cry in the arms of my brothers, Jay, Sam, and Vince, go to the wildy-popular
Hardly Strictly Fest, go my niece Hannah's identical triplets babies shower, return to the Hardly Strictly Fest, and then attend a three-day course starting next Tuesday. So, yeah. We may be going dark for a week.

But never fear. I have my trusty Tandy 800, a 4-baud modem, and a determination to keep this league running even if it's by sticks and duct tap. But should my determination falter, my liver finally give out, or my brothers not provide any comfort, the league will go dark until I return.

In the meantime, you get out, too, willya? Get some fresh air. Enjoy the sun on your skin and turn that pasty white a little bronze. And have a great week!


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One And Done … So, How About My Vikings?

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I’ve been so caught up in this Cleveland Indians playoff run that I barely even noticed that the NFL season has begun. After tonight’s
debacle of a Wild Card Game -- summarized perfectly by my brother Jay Livernois who said: “Welcome to my world. Runners all over the basepaths ... no outs ... hope reigns eternal ... and no one scores. That's been the Giants' MO all year. The worst sort of frustration.” -- maybe I can find some solace in football. So, how are my Minnesota Vikings looking this season?


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Playoff Stats And Standings Posted

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The playoffs have begun, our spreadsheet has been updated, and
Playoff standings and stats are now posted online. Besides the Playoffs standings, we have Overall Standings, Playoff Hitting Stats, and Playoff Pitching Stats. We are also updating stats team-by-team, so take a look at your playoff roster to make sure we got everything right. Stats for the entire playoffs are recorded manually in this league, so do us a favor and let us know ASAP if we got something wrong.


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Ditch The Sparkling Grape Juice, Kevin Klinkhamer, You Are Now Officially The 2013 Regular Season Champ

Dongwhipped owner Kevin Klinkhamer can put away the sparkling grape juice and break out with the champagne. He has officially won the 2013 Santa Lechuga Power League Regular Season Championship. A lot can be said about Kevin’s season, but we already said some of it yesterday and we have more pressing business to attend to, like how are we going to convince him to use some of his winnings to buy a few rounds of drinks and a meal for league officials and soon. But congrats to Kevin. That was a hell of a season!

Here’s the complete list of champs crowned at the end of last night’s action, which marked the official end of the 2013 Regular Season:
  • Arugula Division Champ: Cain I Lincecum in Ur Posey, Dave Adrian
  • Cripshead Division: Chente Vince Livernois
  • Endive Division Champ: Kershawshank Redemption, Joe Kelly
  • Frisee Division Champ: Dongwhipped, Kevin Klinkhamer
  • Radicchio Division Champ: Cabbage Farmers, Paul Martin
  • Romaine Division Champ: Valley Bombers, Jeff Burns
  • Spinach Division Champ: Puigin' It Real!, Kyle Harmon
  • Swiss Chard Division Champ: Highlanders, Rick Coppock
  • Hitting Champ: Cabbage Farmers, Paul Martin
  • Pitching Champ: Dongwhipped, Kevin Klinkhamer
  • Power-Hitting Pitchers Champ: Weston's Warriors, Weston Livernois
  • Regular Season Champ: Dongwhipped, Kevin Klinkhamer
Congratulations to Kevin Klinkhamer and to all our Regular Season champs!

(By the way,
actual money winners will be announced at the end of the playoffs, when the Overall Champ is crowned.)

In Other News
After tepid last-minute trading, owners can no longer make any trades for the 2013 season.

More In Other News
Have you paid for your ownership fees and trades? If not, get on it already. We need to pay our champs, after all.

Still More In Other News
The playoffs are about to begin.

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Still More In Other News
Y’all need to know how points are awarded during the Wild Card and Divisional Playoffs. Here’s how:

  • Hitters earn 20 points for every home run hit
  • Hitters lose 2 points for every K
  • Pitchers earn 2 points for every K
  • Pitchers lose 10 points for every homer surrendered
Good luck to all y’alls during the playoffs!


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