Santa Lechuga Power League:

The Best Damn Fantasy Baseball League In the Universe! (Yes. Universe.)

Apr 2013

$5 Trade Ends Tomorrow

00245-trade

Just in case you missed it yesterday...

With the first pitch of the first game played tomorrow, the $5 will go all “Adios, MFers” for the 2013 season. So now is as good a time as any to talk a bit about the $5 Trade.

First things first: Unless you have earned a free trade the $5 Trade is the most cost-effective trade you’ll make this season. Duh!, right?

Second things second: A good $5 Trade now will net you a good five months of production out the player your trade for. Duh!, right?

And, third things third: If you make five paid trades, you get one free trade that can be used any time until the Regular Season is over. That means five $5 Trades will earn you a free $20 Trade if you use the free trade during the last month of the season. Sweet!, right?

Surely you know how you’re doing in the standings, I assume? Surely you know who on your current roster is dragging you down, correct? Things aren’t out of reach yet.
Make some trades between now and the tomorrow 12:40 pm Eastern deadline and you can right the ship right quick.

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . Power-Hitting Pitching . HOF . Yesterday
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$5 Trade Ends On Wednesday

00245-trade

With the first pitch of the first game played this Wednesday, the $5 will go all “Adios, MFers” for the 2013 season. So now is as good a time as any to talk a bit about the $5 Trade.

First things first: Unless you have earned a free trade the $5 Trade is the most cost-effective trade you’ll make this season. Duh!, right?

Second things second: A good $5 Trade now will net you a good five months of production out the player your trade for. Duh!, right?

And, third things third: If you make five paid trades, you get one free trade that can be used any time until the Regular Season is over. That means five $5 Trades will earn you a free $20 Trade if you use the free trade during the last month of the season. Sweet!, right?

Surely you know how you’re doing in the standings, I assume? Surely you know who on your current roster is dragging you down, correct? Things aren’t out of reach yet.
Make some trades between now and the Wednesday 12:40 pm Eastern deadline and you can right the ship right quick.

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . Power-Hitting Pitching . HOF . Yesterday
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Sunday Morning WTF?!: Manny's Still Playing Baseball?

Tip of the ballcap to Kershawshank Redemption owner Joe Kelly, the conveniently named owner of possibly the next pitcher to pay off in the Creepy Cardinal Pitcher Death Watch Pool. Anyway, Joe sent us a message that said, simply, “There's a lot going on here. WTF!?”



Indeed, there is a lot going on here and Deadspin captures most of the good ones. But the biggest WTF?! is the fact that Manny Ramirez is still playing professional baseball. Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, Manny Ramirez. You don’t when it’s time to hang it up?! W?! T?! F?!

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Yu Darvish's Delivery 

The first time I saw this, I thought I was hallucinating:

i3SXAH4AAxtWS

Trouble is, I was. Some joker at Dominos added magic mushrooms to my pizza. Second time I saw this, I was still tripping. The three-thousandth time I saw this -- and yes, I counted … did you know that every number between 1 and 3,000 has a different color and smell? -- I was finally engaging with reality; and in reality this is just as cool as it is when my mind is trying to locate Alice to ask her a few questions.

Tip of the ballcap to Carrboro T-Birds owner
Brian Thornburg (via Facebook) for sharing this. It will be imprinted on my brain for years to come.

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NSFW! NSFW! NSFW! NSFW! Funnier Than Hell, but NSFW!

Tip of the ball cap from ScootBigs owner Scott Allen for bringing us this, a Funny or Die video with Boardwalk Empire’s Michael Shannon reading an actual sorority sister’s letter that recently went viral. Needless to say, she’s not happy with her sorority sisters.

Note: This is NSFW, which means not-safe-for-work. It’s rated R, for language. Boy is it rated R for language. If you’re my nephew or niece still living at home, do not click this link; your parents will disown me as their brother. If you’re under 18, ask a parent to watch this on your behalf, then ask if you are approved to watch it.

There, now.
Here’s the video.

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Commish Delivers Welcome Message, Finally

It's that time of year again, the magical season when young men adjust their cups in earnest, when snow plow operators prepare Coors Field, and when Dodgers are delusional about their October dreams. Yes, it's time for the Santa Lechuga Power League.

The commissioner would like to apologize for the tardiness of delivering his welcoming message. As you might have heard, Commissioner Furrow recently volunteered to participate in clinical trials for a new and improved Cialis regimen. He only recently returned from the hospital, where he endured humiliating medical treatment after failing to heed the warning label. He appreciates the kind thoughts and prayers during his convalescence, but asks that his friends stop calling him "Fungo."

In that vein,
Commissioner Furrow wishes to welcome all the hardened veterans back to SLPL. Allow me to give a special welcome to our rookies, Peanunski owner Stephanie Wigton, She Wants the Dee owner Frankie Montellano, and Petey's Picks co-owners Kathy & Petey Davis. We believe all of your rock-solid picks promise to make 2013 the most dynamic season in SLPL history.

Props again to owners for generating amusing team names. In a league first,
Tyler Shaddy parodied the name of another team, coming up with Hamiltoes, a play on our evergreen favorite, Cameltowing, Inc, by David "Eddie" Edison, but with a baseball twist. We like Kathy Livernois' I've Got the Runs, though we're still trying to figure out if she is making a baseball pun or merely describing the results of her IBD. Brendan Butts submitted something that sounds like Puck the Fackers, but while we love the sentiment, we still claim to be a family-friendly operation and switched the first letters for our website. And Peyton Olivarria scored with No Greinke My Wankee, a prophetic team name that happened to be what Zack said when Carlos Quentin charged the mound.

In other news, you might have noticed that the SLPL brain trust made few rule changes this season. The only significant new rule is found in Section 3, Item 32.6b, which prohibits expectoration on all playing fields. In other words, keep your spit to yourself.

In conclusion, enjoy the season, have fun and make lots of trades!

Rube Furrow, Commissioner

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Creepy Cardinals Pitchers Death Pool Prospects

Now we know what former owner Sue Klinkhamer is doing with her extra time this season. She’s scouting out pitchers for the Peoria Chiefs, a low-A affiliate of the St. Louis Cardinals, as prospective cannon fodder for the Creepy Cardinals Pitchers Death Watch Pool. Here’s the bullpen:

Future Creepy Cardinals Pitchers
Cannon Fodder for the Death Watch Pool


Sue writes: “All potential candidates for the Creepy Cardinal Death Pool!! And they sit, totally unaware of their possible fate.”

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The Most Useless Website On The Internet

Is It Christmas?

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Stealing First Base and Blowing People's Minds

My head hurts reading this article, but it’s an interesting piece on Jean Segura’s recent base running (mis)adventures. If you’re wondering whether or not to read it, put it this way: Had I read this yesterday morning, it would have qualified for a Sunday Morning WTF?! Yeah, it’s that mind-twisty.

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(NSFW) Sunday Morning WTF?!: This Is Our Foxtrotting City!

You know Big Papi is gonna be sorry he said these words over the airwaves:



The FCC’’s gotta come down on him like a ton of bricks, right? So I was building up a big head of steam to blow off at the FCC in one of my more epic Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!’s, anticipating that the commission would get all fine heavy with David Ortiz, but then I came across this:

FCC


Seriously. So, now I have to go with a cheap Sunday Morning WTF?! and say: Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!, FCC, you had to go all reasonable and treat the public like a group of adults rather than fining David Ortiz a metric-Sierra-ton of cash for saying something honest and personal. Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?!’, FCC, you defied expectations and came off as cool. That’s not the FCC we know.

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Pure Joy

After a brutal week, how about a fun image to take into the weekend:

Reds Batboy
Pure Joy
(Click to enlargenate .)

Here’s the story.

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Yeah, See...

Avoid me. I’m grumpy.

Spring Has Sprung a Leak
Spring Has Sprung … A Leak
(Biggerize by clicking.)
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Waco


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Boston

Patton_Oswalt



o-MISTER-ROGERS-HELPERS-QUOTE-570
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Slap Biff with an Eel

There are at least two dozen people I would love to slap with an eel. And that’s just in this league alone. But given all those pesky laws and statutes and social norms forbidding such an action, this website will have to do. Just scroll your mouse from right to left across the picture to slap this dopey-looking hipster dudebro, let’s call him Biff, with an eel. When done with Biff -- about five good slaps will do it, I think -- conjure up a picture of each person you would like to slap with an eel, overlay Biff’s face with theirs, and repeat. It’s oddly soothing while simultaneously avoiding all those pesky laws and statutes and social norms.

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Sunday Morning WTF?!: World Pole Dancing Championship?!

I just discovered that the 2013 World Pole Dancing Championship was dominated by Russians and Ukrainians. If you ever visited a strip club in Southern California or Tijuana, Mexico, in the ’80, you would consider this to be a major WTF. You would be outraged that the U.S. and Mexico have both ceded their pole dancing powers to the nasty Eastern bloc. And your outrage would be well targeted.

But you know what a bigger WTF is for us? That three’s a World Pole Dancing Championship! And do you know what an even bigger WTF is for us? That three’s a World Pole Dancing Championship and we haven’t started a fantasy league around it! Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?! fellow league owners! How come you haven’t been hounding us to start a World Pole Dancing Championship fantasy league? It would be bigger than the SLPL. Bigger than NCAA’s college basketball brackets. Bigger than Elvis. Aaron. Presley. What?! The?! Foxtrot?!

Sorry we don’t have video of the 2013 event, but here’s video from the 2012 World Pole Dancing Championship:


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Hand Full of Nuts

The SLPL is getting some decent Twitter action this season. Yesterday @chacharmon23 (Kempin' It Real! owner Kyle Harmon) Tweeted the following to @pedregoso (Pepino Monos owner me) and @peytonolivarria (No Greinke My Wankee owner Peyton Olivarria) with a tip of the ball cap to Hamiltoes owner Tyler Shaddy for the screen capture.

Nuts
Hand Full of Nuts
(Click to blowuperate.)

By the way, if Peyton does’t use the above photo in all of her future No Greinke My Wankee promotional materials, she needs to fire her marketing person.

I’m still new to the whole Twitter thingy, but if you’re a Twit I believe you can follow any of us. So follow us!

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Money Is What Makes the League Go Round

Our league’s most bitchen owners have already paid their ownership fees. Are you one of them? If not, you can still be considered pretty darn bitchen if you pay quicklike.

Update: Man, I love Vin Scully. Hate the Dodgers, but love Scully.


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How Animals Eat Their Food

This video comes by way of Commissioner Rube Furrow, who e-mailed it to us with the simple subject line, “WTF?” We agree, Rube. We agree.



Speaking of Rube, word has it that he is at this very moment scrawling his annual “Welcome to the Season” message to league owners. There’s no word as to when he’ll be ready to release his message given (1) he scrawls very, very slowly, (2) his scrawls are slightly more difficult to read than hieroglyphics, and (3) rewriting his scrawls so that they actually have something to do with the league and its owners often takes more time than it took him to scrawl the message in the first place. So I don’t know if we’re talking a week, a month, or by the All Star break, but Rube and his army of interpreters/rewriters will hopefully have something to welcome league owners by the end of the season.

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Trades Trades Trades

We are only ten days into the season and already five owners have made at least one trade. We love this ‘cause trades are the lifeblood of our payouts; the more trades, the more money our winners win. And I shouldn’t have to spell this out, but I will: The more you trade, the more likely it is that you’ll be one of the winners who wins money at the end of the season. Keep your roster competitive by getting rid of the low performers and the injured and replacing them with players who are scoring points, that’s the idea.

pl_4_detail_1

Trades are currently on $5 and will be so until the remainder of the first month of the season. When you’re good and ready, use this form to submit a trade.

Trade Advice for Rookies
Rookie Stephanie Wigton, owner of Peanunski, wrote to ask for advice on how to use trades. The following was my response:

“Trades are limited to ten in the season. However, you get a free trade after making five, and another two free trades after making five more. So, make ten trades and get three free.

“The earlier you can make trades the better. First, as the season progresses, trades get more expensive, which means you get more bang for the buck if you make an early trade. Second, you really want to staunch the bleeding of points from guys who aren't producing by neutralizing other teams who have players that are producing. Having one or two difference-makers that no one else has is the ideal.

“Towards the end of the first month of the season, before the $5 trade ends, I'll study the rest of the teams in my division to see who I need to neutralize, then offload the low-producers, add a player or two everyone else has, then look for a dark horse or two no one else has. I try to make most of my trades before the All-Star break but keep a few in reserve in case of injuries late in the season. If I'm out of the running, I won't make those trades. But If I have a chance, I'll use them in the hopes that they'll help me in the end.

“Having said all of the above, I've never really been competitive in my own league so I may not be the person you should talk to. I won my division last season, but I've never been in serious running for it all.”

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Hedi Didn't Know What She Was In For

Because we haven’t yet had any animals acting like complete Deltas this season, let’s just get this one out of the way right now so that we can offend every delicate sensibility we can early in the year. This is possibly the worst affront to Santa Lechuga since farmworkers left that lettuce field un-ploughed to protest the increase in tequila prices at Endive Stadium back in ’78. I will need to go to confession later today just for posting this.

abd-331
Killer Corgi vs. Hedi Lettuce
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Revoking My Haters License?

Here you are, nursing a lifelong hatred of the Los Angeles Dodgers, detesting the team in a visceral sort of way, when you get a text with this picture attached:

Braxton Tripp
Braxton Tripp Olivarria, Next Generation SLPL Owner
(Click to embiggenate.)


A face like that -- which belongs to five-month-old Braxton Tripp, son to past SLPL champ
Brandon Olivarria -- can thaw even the most perpetual of spites. If this kid gets any cuter, I may have to consider revoking my Dodgers Haters license.

Incidentally, rumors have it that Braxton’s middle name, Tripp, was given in honor of
Jack Tripp, longtime owner of the Sandyeggo Padres (formerly Sandyeggo Trippers). We have not been able to confirm this rumor we made up out of thin air.

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Sunday Morning WTF?!: Us!

For this season’s first Sunday Morning Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?!, the wildly popular weekly feature where we ponder the f’n imponderables that need to be pondered, we turn the target inward. For good reason.

You wouldn’t think we would miss something like this on Opening Day, but we did. Below is a Tweet from returning owner
Peyton Olivarria with her boyfriend, SLPL rookie Frankie Montellano, at the Dodgers’ home opener against the Giants. That was the game where Clayton Kershaw choke-held the Giants to exactly zero runs while rockin’ a Power-Hitting Pitcher home run in the 8th inning.

peytonolivarria Tweet
This Season’s Best New Sitcom, Peyton & Frankie
(Click to enlargenate.)


So, WTF, us, how could we miss such a sweet Tweet … about us?!?

But the bigger WTF is how it is that one of our owners -- who has been out of the league for a season -- could be the first person ever to come up with a Santa Lechuga hashtag, #santalechuga?! Whiskey?! Tango?! Foxtrot?! Us?! Figure out the whole social media thing on our own, will us? I mean seriously, WTF?!

But props to Peyton for dragging us kicking and screaming into the 2000s. If we were left to our own devices, we would still be posting our fantasy baseball standings using flags in center field, like the Chicago Cubs.

BTW, owners with long memories may remember Peyton as the avid Dodger fan who somehow infiltrated the San Francisco Giants backchannel
to make an impressive MLB singing debut at AT&T Park when she was still in grade school.

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Start-of-Season Housecleaning

Before we call the 2013 season fully up and running, we have a some housecleaning items that we need to address…

First, please check your Creepy Cardinals Pitcher Death Watch Pool selections. A lot of you selected pitchers who were not on the Opening Day roster and do not belong in the Death Watch Pool. Get back to us with your roster replacements ASAP.

Cardinals Openng Day Roster
Cardinals Opening Day Pitching Roster


Second, check your Magic Numbers. You should note that numbers 25 and 29 are not taken. Since no one took us up on our earlier offer, let’s try again: The first owner to contact me asking for Magic Numbers 25 or 29 can have that number. As a reminder, Magic Numbers allow us to break the logjam of ties for the HOF Death Pool and the Creepy Cardinals Death Watch Pool. This offer is good until Monday night.

Third, FYI, you can make trades any time during the Regular Season. The price of a trade is currently $5, but the price increases as the season progresses. Though you are limited to ten paid trades, the first five will earn you one free trade and the second five will earn you two more free trades. So, if you pay for ten trades, you’ll get three more for free.

Fourth, while we do our best to make sure everything is accurate, we occasionally make mistakes. If you notice that we have done something wrong with your roster, your Hall-of-Fame roster, or your Creepy Cardinals pitcher, contact us and let us know so that we can fix it.

Fifth, owners have already begun paying their ownership fees, which we always appreciate. If you haven’t yet paid, there are multiple ways to pay. Pay already!

Sixth, and finally, this will be the last e-mail we send to all owners until the $5 trade is about to end (unless there’s an injury before then that we want to announce); we don’t want to clog up your In Box, ya know? To get SLPL news, see our Sunday Morning WTF?!, and just generally keep up on league nuttiness, be sure to check in daily at http://www.santa-lechuga.com/.

Good luck during the 2013 season!

Standings: At-A-Glance . Overall . Division . Hitting . Pitching . Power-Hitting Pitching . HOF . Yesterday
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My Fellow Lechugians

My Fellow Lechugians:

As Pedregoso pointed out I (and Dan) am taking a year off from the SLPL. Really, this is nothing personal. I had been sick for a couple weeks and was starting to feel the pressure I feel every year at this time … who to pick? Will I ever win? Can't I just enjoy baseball in it's purest form and blah, blah, blah. My enthusiasm for baseball has waned a bit with all the high salaries and idiot owners. I have every intention of fronting another year of the
Creepy Cardinal Death Pool and will be more than happy to pay out if it comes to pass (or one Cardinals pitcher passes). I love the league and everyone involved and I look forward to just checking the website and mocking team owners for their bad moves. I will be back next year, ready to kick ass (but probably ending up in the mediocre 40's). As George Costanza would say, "It's not you, it's me.” Or maybe it is you!!!

Have a great season everyone … the good news is that we only have to put up with Tim McCarver for one more season.

xoxo

Sue Klinkhamer

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Sue Klinkhamer Is Still Sponsoring the Cardinals Death Pool!

We erroneously reported yesterday -- “E, Pedregoso” -- that former SLPL owner Sue Klinkhamer was not sponsoring the Creepy Cardinals Pitcher Death Pool, the single most redeeming feature of this league. However, last night league officials received an official communique from Sue saying, and we quote: “I’m still in for the Creepy Cardinals Pitcher Death Pool. I'm only out (of the SLPL) for a year. I honor my commitments for the long haul!!” That means the amount that can be won should we be lucky enough to have a Cardinals pitcher tragically expire is now back up to $1200. Thank you, Sue! Putting your cash-money in the pot, even she you’re not officially in the league, is way above and beyond the call of duty. The league appreciates it! And the Bobblehead-of-Lettuce bobbles for you!

Bobble! Bobble! Bobble! Bobble! Bobble! Bobble! Bobble! Bobble! Bobble! Bobble! Bobble! Bobble! Bobble! Bobble! Bobble! Bobble! Bobble! Bobble!


Speaking of the Cardinals Death Pool...
Owners, check the Creepy Cardinals Pitcher Death Watch Pool rosters. A lot of you selected pitchers who were not on the Cardinals Opening Day roster and are not eligible to win (by losing in a most serious way). Get back to us with your roster replacements ASAP.

Did You Catch That?
Some entire seasons go by without pitchers on SLPL rosters hitting a home run, which means we can’t pay out monies to aPower-Hitting Pitchers (PHP) champ. That won’t be a problem this year since, on Opening Day, Clayton Kershaw hit a dong for the Dodgers. This made a lot of SLPL owners happy, but especially the five with Magic Number 1, who now lead the PHP standings.

The season is already rockin’ and rollin’!

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The 2013 Season Begins!

With a some bitchen new owners, some returning wayward owners, a full slate of 48 teams, a kick-a** Excel spreadsheet, and a wicked six-month Tequila hangover, the 2013 Santa Lechuga Power League has begun. “Who the heck are these new guys? Have we done thorough background checks? Will they pass the mustard?” asked Commissioner Rube Furrow when shown short biographies on the new owners. “Everyone knows that when we go out to eat, I need my Dijon. These guys better deliver.”

With the 2012 season officially done and the 2013 season officially kicked off, Furrow spent this morning idly speculating about the new owners. “We still can’t figure out why people join this damn league, but there you go. Explain humans to me. But these new guys are a cocky bunch. For instance, check out this
Frankie Montellano dude (owner of She Wants the Dee). He’s talking smack the second he gets in the league. Get this, he says: ‘Peyton Olivarria is my girlfriend of two years. This league can’t be that hard if two of her brothers (Brandon Olivarria, Kyle Harmon) and her dad, Mark, have already won this thing!!’ I mean, who is this guy? And who’s gonna leave the smack down on him that he’s already begging for?”

Furrow then found himself pondering his owns recruiting efforts. “I know I tried to recruit (Peanunski owner)
Stephanie Wigton-Livernois a while back, but I thought she thought I was nuts. I was babbling about bobbleheads and such and she looked at me like, well, pretty much everyone looks at me, cockeyed, wondrous, sad. But a couple years pass and -- boom! -- there’s Stevie, submitting a roster with great enthusiasms. So many enthusiasms, in fact, that she recruited a friend of hers.”

That friend would be Petey’s Picks owner
Kathy Davi. “Kathy is apparently in it with her son, Petey. We don’t know much about either of ‘em except that Kathy’s a CPA, which means she’s good with numbers,” Furrow said. “That scares me a little, especially if we let her anywhere near the league’s finances. We’re running this league on aluminum foil and Scotch tape … we don’t need no fancy-fancy CPA-types peeking behind the curtains. But good luck to her and Petey!”

Rube also welcomed back a couple wayward owners who left the league for a season or two but found their way back. “It’s great to have
Peyton Olivarria back in the mix. We promise to overlook the fact that she’s yet another Dodger fan -- who’s letting them all in the league?! -- because she once sang the National Anthem at a Giant’s game. And we like her new team name, No Greinke My Wankee, which she says in reference to the movie Sixteen Candles, where the guy says ‘no more yankee my wankee, the Donger need food.’ It’s been a while since I saw that movie, so I’ll trust her on that reference.”

“And welcome back to longtime Bad Spinach owner
Jim Johnson, who left us for undisclosed reasons that are certain to put a stain on my reputation should the facts ever see the light of day,” Furrow said. “When he submitted his roster, Jim said: ‘Nothing says SLPL championship like poisoned lettuce!’, which is really more than I wished he had said. Enough about that.”

Finally, Rube gave a big shout out all the other veterans who have returned. “This looks like a great group, and we appreciate our veteran owners for coming back to the league. We’re not sure what brought all off them back, but we’re glad they’re here. It should be a great season!”

In Important League News
Sue “Buzzkill” Klinkhamer is no longer in the league. She gave some lame-assed excuse about being sick and not having the energy to join. (We’re still trying to calculate the amount of energy it takes to sit in a Barcalounger and click around the Internet. It’s far less than she’s making it out to be, we’re certain.) So, with her being all out of the league and stuff, it’s not fair to ask her to continue to sponsor the Creepy Cardinals Death Watch Pool. This means that the amount that can be won in the Creepy Cardinals Death Watch Pool has been cut in half. That pot now sits at $600 instead of $1200. I would apologize, but my cash-money in still in the pot. If you have issues, please take them up with Sue.

In Less-Important League News
Meanwhile, the league lost another longtime owner, Sue’s husband Dan “Spoilsport” Klinkhamer, who had his widdle fee-fees hurt last season because he had only won $625 over the previous three seasons. Dan says he wants to watch from afar rather than be angry about this team’s performance all season. I get what he’s saying, caring about his team’s performance and all, but you’d think winning an average of $200-plus a season would allow you to, you know, enjoy the league. Anyway, we know one thing for sure: Dan is guaranteed to win Jack Sierra this season.

We hate seeing the Klinkhamers go, Sue because she gave us endless amount of material with her windsocky ways, deft and wry humor, and league enthusiasms. And Dan we will miss because he gave us an endless amount of material with his being a big blowhard who complains. About. Absolutely. Everything. I mean, even after winning $625 in three seasons the dude constantly whined and complained, like he was owed some big favor because he hadn’t won more.

Come we think of it, maybe we won’t miss Dan. But, Sue, we will really miss you!

Meanwhile...

Owners, please check the
Creepy Cardinals Pitcher Death Watch Pool rosters. A lot of you selected people who were not on the Opening Day roster and do not belong in the Death Watch Pool. Get back to us with your roster replacements ASAP.

And while you’re at it, check your
regular rosters to make sure we entered them into our stats aggregator correctly. With 15 players each for 48 teams, we’re bound to make some mistakes. If we made some, let us know by telling us what we got wrong.

Finally, check out the
Magic Numbers. For one day and one day only, if you find you have a number that at least one other owner has, you can change that number to a number that no other owner has. Spots are limited so get back to us quick like.

Good luck to one and all during the 2013 season!

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Weston Livernois Wins 2012 SLPL HOF Death Pool! 2013 Season About to Begin

With the first pitch of last night's Astros/Rangers game, Hostile Mobs of Minecraft owner Weston Livernois was officially* crowned the 2012 winner of the Phil Rizzuto Memorial Hall-of-Fame Death Pool, thereby officially closing out the 2012 season. “I would like to thank Stan Musial for financing my 2013 season and for giving me a little extra scratch for some online gaming,” Weston said after scraping the last $150 out of the 2012 pot. “Stan’s death, while sad and disconcerting to those who knew him, brought me great, great joy. I will remember him fondly as someone who did something significant in baseball or something like that while I kick some online alien butt.”

*When we say "officially," we mean that as of right now we know of no other Hall-of-Famers who died before last night's first pitch. If news stories come through that someone kicked it before last night’s game began, we'll have to revise our officialness status and re-award the monies.

Meanwhile, league officials are busy getting ready for the 2013 season, which officially kicks off today at 1:05 pm EST, when rosters are due. "What? Today? Already?!" a hangover-laden Commissioner
Rube Furrow said today at his annual new season press conference. "Isn't there anyone in the league offices that can warn me a day or two beforehand that the season's about to begin?! I'm surrounded by boneheads."

Despite Furrow's inattention, owners have been busy submitting rosters and grabbing the final available team spots. If you haven't already done so but plan to be in the league, getchyer rosters in fast. As in 1:05 pm Eastern time fast.

For Those Interested In Such Things
Here’s how the Hall-of-Fame Death Pool points are scored: “Points are earned by subtracting the reported age of the dirt-napper at the time of his death (rounded down to the most-recent birthday) from 100 and multiplying the result by 5.”

And here’s how the Magic Number works:
The team with the Magic Number closest to the Date-of-Death (DoD) will get an extra 25 points. If that team's Magic Number matches the DoD, the team will instead get 50 extra points.

Finally, here’s the Microsoft Excel formula we used to calculate Weston’s winning Hall-of-Fame Death Pool points of 180:
=(((100-92)*5)+50)+(((100-92)*5)+50)

Weston had Stan Musial on his roster twice and hit the Magic Number, er, dead on.

Congratulations, Weston!

Now let's get the 2013 season started!
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