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Guys, I Hate To Do This To You: Be Prepared To Shiver In Horror, For Parts To Recede

Before you click the following link, prepare yourself, especially if you happen to sport both an X and a Y chromosome. What you are about to click is horrific. Really. Cringe-inducing, sweat-on-your-toenails horrific. Just thinking about this article will generate a dull-thudding pain where you would rather not feel a dull-thudding. Parts will recede. The pictures will burn into your eyes like a bad plasma screen TV with your DVR paused for three weeks on Judge Judy. Your nightmares will turn into night horrors. I’m seriously not being hyperbolic.

Okay. Ready?

Click this link.

Did you click it? Because if you did, I think I now know what Stephen King must feel like whenever he releases another book into the wild.

Ever since I read that article I’ve been questioning whether I ever want to get into water again. And I don’t just mean the Seinne, which, if you ask me, they can just shut that whole thing down right now; no people or pets should be allowed within 100 meters of the Seinne for, like, ever. No, I mean I don’t know if I ever want to get in
any water ever again. Lakes. Oceans. Swimming pools. Bathtubs. Knowing that that thing exists in the world, and you think I should go in water again? What, you crazy?!


If you’re looking for me later today, I’ll be in the corner, over there, hugging myself and sobbing uncontrollably knowing that such horrors are allowed to exist in the world.

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