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“Cutting Cheese with Sue”

I was going to save this for Sunday to feature in our wildly-popular-but-little-known Sunday Morning Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?!, but there’s just way too much WTF here to wait five days before sharing it. Watch this now, then we’ll talk through just how foxtrotted up it really is.

There are several things to note here: (1) It’s a foxtrottin’ cheese slicer! Who doesn’t know how to use a cheese slicer?! If you had never seen a cheese slicer before, you could just look at the thing when it’s in the vicinity of a block of cheese and you’d automatically know what to do with it. (2) Here’s an idea: If you’re going to do a video on how to use a cheese slicer, do something useful like explain how to avoid getting all those extra crumbles at the bottom of the slice when you’re slicing dry cheeses like the world’s best cheese ever, Dubliner. “Slicing Dry Cheeses without Crumbles.” Now that would be useful. (3) Here’s another idea: If you’re going to title your show “Cooking with Sue” but you don’t cook a thing, consider changing the name of your show. In this video we saw cheese being sliced. With a cheese slicer. There were no pots. No pans. No heat. No spatulas. No sloshing boiling oil. Sue sliced foxtrottin’ cheese! So if all you’re going to do is slice cheese, how about renaming your show to “Cutting Cheese with Sue”? (4) See #1 above.

Look, I’m all for the Internet. I love the Internet. And with the ubiquity of high-speed Internet connections, I love the fact that we can access to all sorts of excellent videos across a myriad of great topics. But this isn’t one of those excellent videos and this is a horrible topic. If you want to teach a bunch of numbskulls who don’t know how to operate a cheese slicer how to slice cheese using a cheese slicer, don’t post a YouTube video. Instead, I hear the neo-natal intensive care units at hospitals around the world are always looking for ways to keep the preemies occupied. Maybe you can go teach them. Because, let’s be real here, preemies are pretty much the only population on earth who don’t know how to operate a foxtrottin’ cheese slicer.

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